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Updated: June 3, 2025
Some ill luck did mingle with a great deal of mismanagement, as the "one poor happ'orth of bread" with the huge gallon of sack in the bill of which Poins picked Falstaff's pocket when he was asleep behind the arras. Things belonging to me, or things that I cared for, did contrive to get lost, without my having any hand in the matter.
The times were indeed past, when Anthony-a-Wood mourned over the execution of two men, goodly in person, and of undisputed courage and honour, who were hanged without mercy at Oxford, merely because their distress had driven them to raise contributions on the highway. We were still farther removed from the days of "the mad Prince and Poins."
And this Lincolnshire cow-dog was a knave too of Thomas's; therefore the one Kat Howard who was like to be the King's wench and the other Kat Howard known to Hogben might well be one and the same. 'Nay; if you will not, neither even will I, Hogben said. 'You shall have no more of my tale. Poins kept his blue eyes along the road.
She is not yet cast down that I have heard tell on, though some have said "Aye," some "Nay." Tell me, have you heard yet of a Kat Howard in the stews? 'There is a Kat Howard is like to be the young Poins began. But his slow cunning was aroused before he had the sentence out. Who could tell what trick was this? 'Like to be what? the Lincolnshire man badgered him. 'Like to be what? To be what?
"Even as a clerk to Saint Nicholas as a highwayman, like Poins and Peto, and the good fellows in the play and who think you was to be my captain? for she had the whole out ere I could speak to her I fancy she took silence for consent, and thought me damned too unutterably to have one thought left that savoured of redemption who was to be my captain, but the knave that you saw me cudgel at the ordinary when you waited on Lord Glenvarloch, a cowardly, sharking, thievish bully about town here, whom they call Colepepper."
'Squahre Thomas, Nicholas Hogben interrupted him maliciously, 'that young man of Kent saith e'ennow: "Kat Howard is like to " and then he chokes upon his words. Now even what make of thing is it that Kat Howard is like to do or be done by? With his sword whiffling before him the young Poins could think rapidly nay, upon any matter that concerned his advancement he could think rapidly always.
Culpepper wagged his head from side to side. 'This is a main soft stone, he said; 'I am main weary. When the stone grows hard, which is a sign that I shall no longer be minded to rest, I will break thy back with a cudgel. Poins stamped his foot with rage and tears filled his eyes. 'An thou had a sword! he said. 'An only thou had a sword!
None the less he must needs talk or stifle. 'Thee, with thy Kat Howard, he snarled. 'Would 'ee have me think thy Kat was my kitten whose name stunk in our nostrils? He shook his finger in Poins' face. 'Here be three of us know Kat Howard, he said. 'For I know her, since for her I must leave home and take the road.
The King's bonnet lay on the floor, and the King himself alone was padding down the room when they opened their door. His face was red with rage. 'Why, what a clever fiend is this Cromwell! the Lady Mary said; but the Bishop of Winchester was laughing. He pushed Margot Poins from the closet, but caught Katharine Howard tightly by the arm.
If he took a spy and said: 'At all costs stay Culpepper, but observe very strict secrecy from Privy Seal's men all, the spy would very certainly let the news come to Privy Seal. It was in this pass that the thought of the young Poins had come to him. Here was a fellow absolutely stupid.
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