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Updated: June 15, 2025
This chap" I listened as might a prisoner in the dock to the argument of counsel, interested but impotent "don't know enough to come in out of the rain, as the saying is. 'E's just the sort of chap this sort of thing does 'appen to." "But he don't want her," urged Minikin. "He says he don't want her." "Yes, to you and me," answered Jarman; "and of course 'e don't.
'E fancies girls are the sort of things one sees in plays, going about saying 'Un'and me! 'Let me pass! Maybe some of 'em are, but this ain't one of 'em." "How did it happen?" asked Minikin. "'Ow does it 'appen nine times out of ten?" returned Jarman. "'E was a bit misty, and she was wide awake. 'E gets a bit spoony, and well, you know." "Artful things, girls," commented Minikin.
Fathom, rather than run the risk of disobliging such a punctilious warrior, after having in vain attempted to dissuade him from his purpose, undertook to carry the challenge, which was immediately penned in these words: "SIR, You have violated my honour in imposing upon Mrs. Minikin your pretended cousins as ladies of virtue and reputation.
Subdivision of labour, carried to an extent almost incredible, has facilitated despatch, and induced a higher degree of excellence in every branch of mechanism human ingenuity is racked, chemical analysis investigated, mathematical research explored and all, that Mr. Binns, of Birmingham, may make thirteen minikin pins while Mr. Sims, of Stockport, has been making but twelve.
Kelver Mr. Paul Kelver. "Minikin's my name," he returned, "Sylvanus Minikin. You don't happen by any chance to know what you've come for, I suppose?" Looking at his body, my inclination was to pick my way among the goods that covered the floor and pull his ears for him. From his grave and massive face, he might, for all I knew, be the head clerk. "I have called to see Mr.
"Good God! when will you have finished them?" "Half an hour after I have begun them." "Get out, get out! Has that door been open all the time?" "Well, I don't suppose it's opened itself." Minikin re-entered with papers in his hand. "In you go," he said. "Heaven help you!" And I passed in and closed the door behind me. The room was a replica of the one I had just left.
"Can't blame 'em," returned Jarman, with generosity; "it's their business. Got to dispose of themselves somehow. Oughtn't to be binding without a written order dated the next morning; that'd make it all right." "Couldn't prove a prior engagement?" suggested Minikin. "She'd want to see the girl first before she'd believe it only natural," returned Jarman. "Couldn't get a girl?" urged Minikin.
On every face was the smile of joy, except on those of affectionate wives, whose anxieties foreboded numberless ills that were never realized, and sorrows that never came. Farewell dinners passed in all directions; and, to wind up the farewell to each other, a station amateur play concluded the festivities. I played Lord Duberley in the "Heir-at-Law," and Lord Minikin in "Bon Ton."
Now, if Mr. Minikin thinks proper to put the affair upon the same issue, I will smoke a pipe of brimstone with him to-morrow morning, and if I cry out first, I will be after asking pardon for this supposed affront."
But, without any further preamble, pray, sir, give me leave to ask how long you have been acquainted with those ladies who drank tea with us this afternoon. You'll forgive the question, sir, when I tell you that Major Macleaver introduced Mrs. Minikin to them as to ladies of character, and, I don't know how, sir, I have a sort of presentiment that my wife has been imposed upon.
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