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Updated: June 1, 2025
Th' other mornin' I see him standin' on a corner near th' bank as Mulligan dashed by with a copy iv his fav'rite journal in wan hand an' a pass book in th' other. 'That man is a coward, says Mulligan. 'Tis th' likes iv him that desthroys public confidence, says he. 'He must've been brave at wan peeryod iv his life, says I. 'Whin was that? says he.
Pearce was asking only yesterday when you was going back to sea agin," ses his uncle, looking at 'im. "Oh!" ses Alf. "She's took a dislike to you, I think," ses the old man. "It's very 'ard, my fav'rite nephew, and the only one I've got. I forgot to tell you the other day that her fust 'usband, Charlie Pearce, 'ad a kind of a wart on 'is left ear. She's often spoke to me about it."
I'm a sober man, not a temperance man!" "Ay! We'd a parzon in these 'ere parts as was temp'rance, but 'e took 'is zpirits different like! 'E zkorned 'is glass, but 'e loved 'is gel! Har ar ar! Ivir 'eerd o' Parzon Arbroath as woz put out o' the Church for 'avin' a fav'rite?" "I saw something about it in the papers," said Helmsley. "Ay, 'twoz in the papers. Har ar ar! 'E woz a temp'rance man.
Bill used to think o' ways, too, knowing the 'arm the drink was doing 'im, and his fav'rite plan was for 'is missis to empty a bucket o' cold water over 'im every time he came 'ome the worse for licker. She did it once, but as she 'ad to spend the rest o' the night in the back yard it wasn't tried again. Bill got worse as he got older, and even made away with the furniture to get drink with.
But my other guess is the one I b'leeve in most, that the Head Man done it to scrooch him down, so's he'd take notice o' little teenty things, down below, that most folks never see, things that needed him to watch 'em, and do for 'em, and tell about 'em. That's my fav'rite guess. 'Tany rate, the Head Man done right, I'm cert'in sure o' that.
We'll show this vulgar upstart that he can't humilyate his fellow citizens be goin' around dhressed up like an Asyatic fav'rite iv th' Impror Neero, be Hivens. How will we get at him? says he. 'We'll put a tax iv sixty per cent. on ready made clothin' costin' less thin ten dollars a suit. That'll teach him to squander money wrung fr'm Jawn D. Rockyfellar in th' Roo dilly Pay.
Seems Pedders had been one of the leadin' citizens, cashier of the bank, pillar of the church, member of the town council, and all that, with a wife who was a social fav'rite, and a girl that promised to be a beauty when she grew up. The Pedders never tried to cut any gash, though. They lived simple and respectable and happy.
"Oh, 'e vos a great fav'rite vith the Quality," nodded Mottle-face. "Ah! it vos a dream to see 'im 'andle the ribbons, an' spit? Lord! it vos a eddication to see my feyther spit, I should say so! Vun young blood a dock's son he vere too vent an' 'ad a front tooth drawed a purpose, but I never 'eard as it done much good; bless you, to spit like my feyther you must be born to it!"
Then Helen, jest for meanness, says: 'Ezry, I s'pose you ain't willin' to have your fav'rite sister go down-cellar with you an' catch her death o' cold? But Mary, who hez been showin' Hiram Peabody the phot'graph album for more 'n an hour, comes to the rescue an' makes Laura take the candle, and she shows Laura how to hold it so it won't go out. "The cellar is warm an' dark.
"Th' nex' day in comes a man with a suit iv clothes that looks like a tablecloth in a section house, an' says he: 'Poor ignorant haythen, he says, 'what manner iv food d'ye ate? he says. 'Rice, says I, 'an' rats is me fav'rite dish, I says. 'Deluded wretch, says he. 'I riprisint Armour an' Company, an' I'm here to make ye change ye'er dite, he says.
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