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Updated: May 14, 2025
At this point Agathemer found his voice, and he spoke steadily, coolly and firmly, even with a bit of a drawl. "Don't do anything you will have to be sorry for," he said. "Better not make any mistake." At his utterance the two couriers were manifestly even more uncomfortable than before. But Donnotaurus only bawled louder to the host. "I don't arrest travellers," the host protested, "I feed 'em.
I expected Agathemer, who knew the value of speaking first, to anticipate Donnotaurus, but he let Donnotaurus give his version of the affair. "I'm competent to decide this," said Pescennius, "and I shall." And he eyed us, asking: "What have you two to say?" "In the first place," said Agathemer, "I ask you to examine our papers."
They had demanded our fresh horses, cursed him and blustered, but could not move him and so were still berating him when Donnotaurus came out to them. He, after introducing himself, asking their names and route and, commiserating them on the poor supply of horses, had casually inquired whether they were acquainted with two couriers named Bruttius Asper and Sabinus Felix.
In a trice Donnotaurus and the two impostors were seized. To us he said: "Gentlemen, I apologize for having doubted you, even for a moment. And I thank you for having so cleverly and quietly exposed these precious gentry. I shall keep an eye on them and on this local meddler; I'll investigate them in Marseilles. "Meantime I must eat. So I'll remain here. You are in haste and you have eaten.
Arecomus don't arrest travellers, he horses 'em. Anyhow, there's no magistrate here; talking of arresting is folly. "And I wish you'd quit your foolishness, Donnotaurus. This is the third row you've started here within six months. You're giving my inn a bad name and ruining my trade. You're my best customer, yourself, but you are more nuisance than all the rest of my customers put together.
We, dallying over some excellent fruit and the not unpalatable wine, knowing nothing of all this, saw the three reënter together and approach us, the couriers looking not only reluctant, but dazed: up to us Donnotaurus led them. "Do you know these gentlemen?" he demanded. "Never set eyes on them in my life," one of them disclaimed. The other nodded. "I thought so!" Donnotaurus cried.
Donnotaurus appeared at a loss, but obstinate and about to insist, when the doors opened and there entered a bevy of staff officers, all green and gold and blue and silver, clustered about a huge man in the full regalia of a general, his crimson plumes nodding above his golden helmet, his crimson cloak dangling about his golden cuirass, his gilt kilt-straps gleaming over his crimson tunic-skirt.
But Donnotaurus neither heard nor heeded. "Here, Tectosax!" he called to the host, "come help us arrest these men! They are bogus! They are shams! They are not couriers!" "One man arrest two!" the host demurred. "I only want your help," Donnotaurus bawled. "Call Arecomus and the ostlers. They can make short work of it."
My wines, indeed, are reckoned the best between Baeterrae and Verona. My name is Valerius Donnotaurus; may I know yours?" I kept my eyes on his face as I introduced Agathemer as Bruttius Asper and he me as Sabinus Felix. It seemed to me that his expression was not altogether free from a momentary gleam of suspicion; but my anxiety might have seen what was not there, I could not be sure.
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