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Updated: June 22, 2025
And with poops one has to employ the strong, forceful, straightforward policy. Psychology doesn't get you anywhere. You, if I may remind you without wounding your feelings, fell into the error of mucking about with psychology in connection with this Fink-Nottle, and the result was a wash-out.
Jeeves was on the job, adding the final polish to the old topper, and I was about to apprise him of the latest developments in the matter of Gussie, when he forestalled me by observing that the latter had only just concluded an agreeable visit to the Wooster bedchamber. "I found Mr. Fink-Nottle seated here when I arrived to lay out your clothes, sir." "Indeed, Jeeves? Gussie was in here, was he?"
As I see it, sir, the occupants of the house, hearing the fire bell ring, will suppose that a conflagration has broken out." I nodded. One could follow the train of thought. "Yes, that seems reasonable." "Whereupon Mr. Glossop will hasten to save Miss Angela, while Mr. Fink-Nottle performs the same office for Miss Bassett." "Is that based on psychology?" "Yes, sir.
"But don't forget this, because it is the point I wish, above all, to make: Even if Gussie had got to that ball; even if those scarlet tights, taken in conjunction with his horn-rimmed spectacles, hadn't given the girl a fit of some kind; even if she had rallied from the shock and he had been able to dance and generally hobnob with her; even then your efforts would have been fruitless, because, Mephistopheles costume or no Mephistopheles costume, Augustus Fink-Nottle would never have been able to summon up the courage to ask her to be his.
Fink-Nottle, and he has been telling me about this Mephistopheles scheme of yours." "Yes, sir?" "Now let me get it straight. If I follow your reasoning correctly, you think that, stimulated by being upholstered throughout in scarlet tights, Mr. Fink-Nottle, on encountering the adored object, will vibrate his tail and generally let himself go with a whoop."
He must have arrived." "No, sir. As I gather from Mr. Fink-Nottle, he entered the cab convinced in his mind that the entertainment to which he had been invited was to be held at No. 17, Suffolk Square, whereas the actual rendezvous was No. 71, Norfolk Terrace. These aberrations of memory are not uncommon with those who, like Mr.
Fink-Nottle, that every care was taken to ensure a correct marking and that Simmons outdistanced his competitors by a wide margin." "Well, if you say so," said Gussie doubtfully. "All right, G.G. Simmons, take your prize." "Sir, thank you, sir." "But let me tell you that there's nothing to stick on side about in winning a prize for Scripture knowledge. Bertie Wooster "
Shortly after the conclusion of this afternoon's binge at Market Snodsbury Grammar School he asked her to marry him, and she appears to have right-hoed without a murmur." "There must be some mistake." "There was. The snake Fink-Nottle made it, and by now I bet he realizes it. I've been chasing him since 5.30." "Chasing him?" "All over the place. I want to pull his head off." "I see. Quite."
"Yes, sir." "You got the name correctly? Fink-Nottle?" "Yes, sir." "Well, it's the most extraordinary thing. It must be five years since he was in London. He makes no secret of the fact that the place gives him the pip. Until now, he has always stayed glued to the country, completely surrounded by newts." "Sir?" "Newts, Jeeves. Mr. Fink-Nottle has a strong newt complex.
"You are falling into your old error, Jeeves, of thinking that Gussie is a parrot. Fight against this. I shall add the oz." "Very good, sir." "And, by the way, Jeeves, Mr. Fink-Nottle is in the market for bright, clean stories to use in his speech. Do you know any?" "I know a story about two Irishmen, sir." "Pat and Mike?" "Yes, sir." "Who were walking along Broadway?" "Yes, sir."
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