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Updated: June 4, 2025
If Schwartzmeister didn't pay him f'r half-solin' a pair iv Congress gaiters he used to wear in thim days, he tied a sthring arround his finger f'r to remind him that he had to kill Ludwig. 'What have ye again' th' king? says I. 'He is an opprissor iv th' poor, he says. 'So ar-re ye, I says, 'or ye'd mend boots free. 'He's explodin' th' prolotoorio, he says.
I'm wan iv th' hottest Anglo-Saxons that iver come out iv Anglo-Saxony. Th' name iv Dooley has been th' proudest Anglo-Saxon name in th' County Roscommon f'r many years. "Schwartzmeister is an Anglo-Saxon, but he doesn't know it, an' won't till some wan tells him.
'Mind ye, he says, 'mind ye, he says, ''tis our jooty to be frindly with th' Germans, he says. 'I'm now on me way f'r to organize a camp iv me Dutch frinds down be th' slough, he says. An' off he goes. "'Twas not long afther whin I heerd a man singin' 'Th' Wearin' iv th' Green' down th' sthreet, an' in come Schwartzmeister. 'Faugh a ballagh, says he, meanin' to be polite.
Schwartzmeister put in a pool table. Of course there was no outburst. When the two met on the street, Mr. Dooley saluted his neighbor cordially, in these terms: "Good-nobben, Hair Schwartzmeister, an' vas magst too yet, me brave bucko!" To which Mr. Schwartzmeister invariably retorted: "Py chapers, Tooley, where you haf been all der time, py chapers?" But this was mere etiquette.
They've money enough to start, an' it'll not cost ol' ma-an Hogan a cint. But, whin he spoke about it las' night, he cried as if his heart'd break." Mr. McKenna was aware that a gentle feud had existed between Mr. Dooley and Mr. Schwartzmeister, the German saloon-keeper down Archey Road, for some years. It was based upon racial differences, but had been accented when Mr.
Well, we'll take care iv Germany, all right. We'll let Germans into th' prim'ries, I says. An' there an' thin we formed th' Sarsfield-an'-Gatty camp. Gatty is a German frind iv Schwartzmeister. We shook dice to see which name'd come first. Ireland won. They was my dice.
Whin Andy Duggan r-run f'r aldherman against Schwartzmeister, th' big Dutchman, I was precinct captain then, Jawn, there was an iliction f'r ye.
'An' in th' inthrests iv th' freedom iv Ireland, I says, 'I f'rgive ye th' pool table. "Well, sir, Jawn, he wept like a child. 'Tooley, he says, 'we'll march side be side, he says. 'Both iv us in th' front rank, he says. 'Aldherman Tooley an' Aldherman Schwartzmeister, to free Ireland, he says. 'But where does Germany come in? he says. 'Germany! says I, 'Germany!
"''Twud be a great combination, says I, 'We'd carry th' wa-ard be th' biggest majority iver heerd iv, I says. 'We wud so, says he. 'I'd be aldherman. 'Afther me, says I. ''Tis my turn first, I says. 'I don't know about that, says he. 'Now, says I, 'look here, Schwartzmeister, I says.
"I tell ye, whin th' Clan an' th' Sons iv Sweden an' th' Banana Club an' th' Circle Francaize an' th' Pollacky Benivolent Society an' th' Rooshian Sons of Dinnymite an' th' Benny Brith an' th' Coffee Clutch that Schwartzmeister r-runs an' th' Tur-rnd'ye-mind an' th' Holland society an' th' Afro-Americans an' th' other Anglo-Saxons begin f'r to raise their Anglo-Saxon battle-cry, it'll be all day with th' eight or nine people in th' wurruld that has th' misfortune iv not bein' brought up Anglo-Saxons."
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