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Updated: May 5, 2025
It used to make father very angry to see Jack chasing the cows like a shepherd dog, running from one to the other and giving each a bite on the rump to keep them on the run, flying before him as if pursued by wolves. Father would declare at times that the wicked beast had the deevil in him and would be the death of the cattle.
If all this unsolicited but well meant advice is taken, the country will be in no danger from Arthur's decision to keep a cow, and we shall hope to see him on some fine morning next summer, as the sun is tinging the eastern horizon with its ray as he slaps her on the rump with a piece of barrel stave, or we will accept an invitation to visit his barn and show him how to mix a bran mash that will wake to ecstacy the aforesaid cow, and cause her milk to flow like back pay from the treasury.
"This Warbler does not sing much of a song, even in nesting-time; but you will know him on the wing by the bright yellow spot on the rump, and if he perches near by perhaps you will also see the crown of gold on the head and a spot of yellow on each side of the breast. They say there was once a great king named Midas, whose touch turned everything to gold, he was such an avaricious old miser.
His prospects were most disconsolate, and his wretchedness seemed very great. However, he found considerable relief in unburthening himself to me. After our frugal dinner of rump steaks, and our one bottle of port, he returned to the subject of the morning by asking my advice as to his future conduct. "Nay, Pigtop," I replied, "you should not ask me.
Then lift it up, and break it off from the part that sticks to the breast. The next thing is, to divide the breast from the carcase, by cutting through the tender ribs close to the breast, quite down to the tail. Then lay the back upwards, put your knife into the bone half-way from the neck to the rump, and on raising the lower end it will separate readily.
They seldom, indeed, attack a man; but if one happens to tie his horse to a tree, and leaves him unattended, for a short time, he must not be surprised if he finds, on his return, that he has parted with a good rump steak; that is the piece that they always prefer; and it is, therefore, clear to me, that the first of the wolves must have been reared in England!
A sirloin of BEEF, weighing from twenty-five to thirty pounds, will generally take four hours; a part of it, from twelve to fifteen pounds, two hours and three quarters, or three hours. A piece of ribs of the same weight, much the same time, and a rump four hours. A sheet of paper should be tied over the thin part, or it will burn before the thick part is done enough.
I therefore took a few shots with Hale's rockets, one of which just grazed the rump of an elephant, and sent them off in great astonishment. We then tried a few shots with the fieldpiece, but the gun made bad practice, and the shells exploded very wildly and not according to the distances regulated by the fuses.
I saw a great bloody gaping hole on his rump where the.30 Gov't expanding bullet had come out. From end to end that bullet had torn! Yet he was not dead. Straining to rise again! I saw, felt all this in one flashing instant. And as swiftly my spirit changed. What I might have done I never knew, but most likely I would have shot him through the brain.
The Duke having openly declared against Mazarin, and being resolved to attack and drive him out of the kingdom, bade me inform the House next day, in his name, how the Cardinal had compared their body to the Rump Parliament in England, and some of their members to Cromwell and Fairfax.
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