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'The whole press is on the buckle from end to end. Even Woodhouse was a little astonished at the ease with which it had come about, and said as much. 'Rot! said Ollyett. 'We haven't really begun. Huckley isn't news yet. 'What do you mean? said Woodhouse, who had grown to have great respect for his young but by no means distant connection. 'Mean?
While The Song ran and raped it with the cataleptic kick of 'Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay, multiplied by the West African significance of 'Everybody's doing it, plus twice the infernal elementality of a certain tune in Dona et Gamma; when for all practical purposes, literary, dramatic, artistic, social, municipal, political, commercial, and administrative, the Earth was flat, the Rector of Huckley wrote to us again as a lover of accuracy to point out that the Huckley vote on 'the alleged flatness of this scene of our labours here below' was not unanimous; he and the doctor having voted against it.
Then the car stopped, and a policeman asked our names and addresses for exceeding the speed-limit. We pointed out that the road ran absolutely straight for half a mile ahead without even a side-lane. 'That's just what we depend on, said the policeman unpleasantly. 'The usual swindle, said Woodhouse under his breath. 'What's the name of this place? 'Huckley, said the policeman.
Punch based a political cartoon on it; the Times a third leader, 'The Lust of Newness'; and the Spectator a scholarly and delightful middle, 'Village Hausmania. The vast amused outside world said in all its tongues and types: 'Of course! This is just what Huckley would do! And neither Sir Thomas nor the Rector nor the sexton nor any one else wrote to deny it.
For Huckley was News. The Bun also contributed a photograph which cost me some trouble to fake. 'We are a vital nation, said Ollyett while we were discussing affairs at a Bat dinner. 'Only an Englishman could have written that letter at this present juncture. 'It reminded me of a tourist in the Cave of the Winds under Niagara. Just one figure in a mackintosh.
Pallant sawed on 'out of certain events which occurred at the village of Huckley. The House came to attention with a parting of the lips like a hiccough, and it flashed through my mind.... Pallant repeated, 'Huckley. The village 'That voted the Earth was flat. A single voice from a back Bench sang it once like a lone frog in a far pool. 'Earth was flat, croaked another voice opposite.
But perhaps you saw our photo? I said proudly. 'Yes, Bat replied. 'I've been to Niagara, too. And how's Huckley taking it? 'They don't quite understand, of course, said Ollyett. 'But it's bringing pots of money into the place. Ever since the motor-bus excursions were started 'I didn't know they had been, said Pallant.
He established beyond doubt that the old font at Huckley had been thrown out, on Sir Thomas's instigation, twenty years ago, to make room for a new one of Bath stone adorned with Limoges enamels; and that it had lain ever since in a corner of the sexton's shed. He proved, with learned men to support him, that there was only one other font in all England to compare with it.
'It cost Bat Masquerier two thousand, Ollyett replied. 'D'you think he'd let any one else in on that? But I give you my sacred word I knew nothing about it till he asked me to come down and cover it. He had Huckley posted in three colours, "The Geoplanarians' Annual Banquet and Exercises." Yes, he invented "Geoplanarians." He wanted Huckley to think it meant aeroplanes. Yes, I know that there is a real Society that thinks the world's flat they ought to be grateful for the lift but Bat made his own. He did! He created the whole show, I tell you. He swept out half his Halls for the job. Think of that on a Saturday! They we went down in motor char-
For this I take no credit Hone being a mine any one can work but that I rechristened that dance, after I had revised it, 'The Gubby' is my title to immortal fame. It was still to be witnessed, I wrote, 'in all its poignant purity at Huckley, that last home of significant mediæval survivals'; and I fell so in love with my creation that I kept it back for days, enamelling and burnishing.
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