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Updated: July 26, 2025
Only we value your respect too much to let you go on thinking we have fallen for that hokum."
Well, you take this twenty million bunch that we sell to every day, and suppose they saw that lovely thing last night don't you know they'd all be back to-night to see a real mopping mother with a real son falsely accused of crime sure they'd be back, their heads bloody but unbowed. Don't worry; that reliable field marshal, old General Hokum, leads an unbeatable army."
Anyhow, folks did use to think that old Hokum was too sort o' familiar with their wood-piles 'long in the night, though they couldn't never prove it on him; and when Mother Hokum come to houses round to wash, folks use sometimes to miss pieces, here and there, though they never could find 'em on her; then they was allers a gettin' in debt here and a gottin' in debt there.
"'Wal, says Primus, 'I didn't engage to fill up no holes; and he put his spade on his shoulder and trudged off. "Wal, it was putty hard work, fillin' in that hole; but Hokum and Toddy and Wiggin had to do it, 'cause they didn't want to have everybody a laughin' at 'em; and I kind o' tried to set it home to 'em, showin' on 'em that 'twas all for the best.
Hokum was jest a comin' down to pay yo that 'are money last week, but ye see he was took down with the small-pox' Joe didn't hear no mow: he just turned round, and he streaked it out that 'are door with his coat-tails flyin' out straight ahind him; and old Mother Hokum she jest stood at the window holdin' her sides and laughin' fit to split, to see him run.
"But I do tell you just that. It won't hurt Parmalee a bit; and Benson can go on Bensoning to the end of time to big money. You keep forgetting this twenty-million audience. Go out and buy a picture magazine and read it through, just to remind you. They want hokum, and pay for it. Even this thing of Baird's, with all the saving slapstick, is over the heads of a good half of them.
"Perhaps you recall how I bawled him out for cutting formation over Vitry that day when we were on our way up for our first action? And how I sent him over the lines on a mission to locate von Herzmann's Circus?" McGee nodded. "I certainly do remember it. You sure said plenty!" "Hokum! All hokum!" Cowan said.
"'Wal, says Mother Hokum, 'what if 'tis? Money's money, get it how ye will; and the Devil's money 'll buy as much meat as any. I'd go to the Devil, if he gave good money. "'Wal, I guess I wouldn't, says I. 'Don't you 'member the sermon Parson Lothrop preached about hastin' to be rich, last sabba' day? "'Parson Lothrop be hanged! says she.
"I was waked up, 'cause there was consid'able of a scuffle; for Hokum was so mad at Toddy for speakin', that he was a fistin' on him; and old Primus he jest haw-hawed and laughed. 'Wal, I got my money safe, anyhow, says he. "'Wal, come to, says I. ''Tain't no use cryin' for spilt milk: you've jest got to turn in now and fill up this 'ere hole, else the selectmen 'll be down on ye.
"Honest, to hear him spring that sure-fire hokum you would have thought he believed it. I know he passed the same line of dope out to me, and I fell for it. What more could you ask? I was a young and trusting thing then, having been in the business only one season, so I was not 'wised' up to the proper point to believe no man until he makes good.
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