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Updated: June 2, 2025
"Dear one! I have been cruel to you. I have been unjust. I understand. I do understand. Forgive me. Dearest forgive me." "I did so want to do something for you. It was all I could do that little money. And then you were angry. I thought you didn't love me any more because I did not understand your work.... And that Miss Heydinger Oh! it was hard."
"Do you mind if I sit down?" asked Miss Heydinger in an indifferent tone. "There is a seat yonder," said Lewisham, "under the tree." They walked to the seat in silence. "Now," said Miss Heydinger, quietly. "Tell me whom you have married." Lewisham answered sketchily. She asked him another question and another. He felt stupid and answered with a halting truthfulness.
And among other photographs was one of last year's Debating Society Committee, Lewisham smiling a little weakly near the centre, and Miss Heydinger out of focus in the right wing. And Miss Heydinger sat with her back to all these things, in her black horse-hair arm-chair, staring into the fire, her eyes hot, and her chin on her hand. "I might have guessed before," she said.
I could tell you things I could not tell her. I could put all myself before you almost and know you would understand Only " "You love her." "Yes," said Lewisham lamely and pulling at his moustache. "I suppose ... that must be it." For a space neither spoke. Then Miss Heydinger said "Oh!" with extraordinary emphasis. "To think of this end to it all!
It suited her these things are past a male novelist's explaining. "I have this book of yours, Miss Heydinger," he said. "I am glad you have written that paper on Socialism," she replied, taking the brown-covered volume. They walked along the little passage towards the biological laboratory side by side, and she stopped at the hat pegs to remove her hat.
Miss Heydinger was quite at her ease and began talking at once. Lewisham's replies were less confident than they had been in the Gallery of Old Iron; indeed there was almost a reversal of their positions. She led and he was abashed. He felt obscurely that she had taken an advantage of him. He became aware of another girlish figure in a dark dress on his right.
"And you were married before the second examination?" she repeated. "Yes," said Lewisham. "But why did you not tell me of this before?" asked Miss Heydinger. "I don't, know," said Lewisham. "I wanted to that day, in Kensington Gardens. But I didn't. I suppose I ought to have done so." "I think you ought to have done so." "Yes, I suppose I ought ... But I didn't. Somehow it has been hard.
In that now half-forgotten love affair at Whortley even, he had, in spite of the considerable degree of intimacy attained, said absolutely nothing about his Career. Miss Heydinger declined to disbelieve in the spirits of the dead, and this led to controversy in the laboratory over Tea.
"Dear one," said Lewisham, "I do not care your little finger for Miss Heydinger." "I know how I hamper you. But if you will help me. Oh! I would work, I would study. I would do all I could to understand." "Dear," whispered Lewisham. "Dear" "And to have her " "Dear," he vowed, "I have been a brute. I will end all that. I will end all that." He took her suddenly into his arms and kissed her.
The enormous seriousness of adolescence was coming to an end; the days of his growing were numbered. It was a laugh of infinite admissions. Now although Lewisham had promised to bring things to a conclusion with Miss Heydinger, he did nothing in the matter for five weeks, he merely left that crucial letter of hers unanswered.
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