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Updated: May 5, 2025
"We marched after the battle to Delhi, where poor blind old Shah Allum received us, and bestowed all kinds of honors and titles on our General. As each of the officers passed before him, the Shah did not fail to remark my person,* and was told my name. * There is some trifling inconsistency on the Major's part. Shah Allum was notoriously blind: how, then, could he have seen Gahagan?
I was occupied, as the French say, in CONTER-ing fleurettes to this sweet young creature, when, all of a sudden, a rocket was seen whizzing through the air, and a strong light was visible in the valley below the little fort. "'What, fireworks! Captain Gahagan, said Belinda; 'this is too gallant.
Julia was now red, now white; the Colonel stretched forward, took the fork out of the calf of my leg, wiped it, and then seized a bundle of letters which I had remarked by his side. "A cornet!" said he, in a voice choking with emotion; "a pitiful, beggarly Irish cornet aspire to the hand of Julia Jowler! Gag, Gahagan, are you mad, or laughing at us?
None of this shameless fooling, Puttee Rooge," continued the tyrant, dragging her away. "Captain Gahagan dies three hours from hence." Puttee Rooge gave one scream and fainted her father and the Vizier carried her off between them; nor was I loth to part with her, for, with all her love, she was as ugly as the deuce. They were gone my fate was decided.
Such are the frightful excesses of barbaric minds! every time this old man said, "Take that," he flung some article near him at the head of the undaunted Gahagan his dagger, his sword, his carbine, his richly ornamented pistols, his turban covered with jewels, worth a hundred thousand crores of rupees finally, his hookah, snake mouthpiece, silver-bell, chillum and all which went hissing over my head, and flattening into a jelly the nose of the Grand Vizier.
Gahagan, who assured him that no woman could resist a man of his appearance.
"Woman," said I, taking off my helmet, and removing the chain cape which had covered almost the whole of my face "I AM NOT THY HUSBAND I am the slaver of elephants, the world renowned GAHAGAN!" "Wretch!" said she, "what wouldst thou?" "You black-faced fiend," said I, "raise but your voice, and you are dead!" "And afterwards," said she, "do you suppose that YOU can escape?
Were I to say that I stopped to fight seventy men, you would write me down a fool or a liar: no, sir, I did not fight, I ran away. I am six feet four my figure is as well known in the Spanish army as that of the Count de Luchana, or my fierce little friend Cabrera himself. "GAHAGAN!" shouted out half a dozen scoundrelly voices, and fifty more shots came rattling after me.
Holkar, I know thee, and thou knowest me too! Who, with his single sword, destroyed thy armies? Who, with his pistol, cleft in twain thy nose-ring? Who slew thy generals? Who slew thy elephants? Three hundred mighty beasts went forth to battle: of these I slew one hundred and thirty-five! Dog, coward, ruffian, tyrant, unbeliever! Gahagan hates thee, spurns thee, spits on thee!"
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'll tell you what there is now," shouted I. "There's "Two drumsticks of fowls, and a bone of ham. Fourteen bottles of ginger-beer," &c. &c. &c. And I went through the whole list of eatables as before, ending with the ham-sandwiches and the pot of jelly. "Law! Mr. Gahagan," said Mrs. Colonel Vandegobbleschroy, "give me the ham-sandwiches I must manage to breakfast off them."
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