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Updated: June 20, 2025
The arm of one Dan Grady flew out in the gloom and arrested something. Then said Dan 'Mulcahy, you're a great man, an' you do credit to whoever sent you. Walk about a bit while we think of it. Mulcahy departed elate. He knew his words would sink deep. 'Why the triple-dashed asterisks did ye not let me belt him? grunted a voice. 'Because I'm not a fat-headed fool.
This attack was commenced by the ladies; but it was continued throughout the dinner by the fat-headed old gentleman next the parson, with the persevering assiduity of a slow-hound; being one of those long-winded jokers, who, though rather dull at starting game, are unrivalled for their talents in hunting it down.
"Pardon me," she said, "but I can hardly associate you with the lovely things they say of you. Did you like the play?" I told her I didn't. It was unreal. No man of the West would shake dice for a lady in distress. The situation was unheard of and could only occur in the imagination of a fat-headed Easterner who had never set his feet beyond the Hudson. Miss Anglin laughed merrily.
"Well," said Waller slowly, "I am not quite satisfied about our fat-headed constable. He's very suspicious, and wanted to search the roof. But I managed to put a stop to that, for if they had got up here you must have been found."
Blanked infernal fat-headed silly ass of a game! Nothing but a waste of time." The Sage winced. "Don't say that, my boy." "But I do say it. What earthly good is golf? Life is stern and life is earnest. We live in a practical age. All round us we see foreign competition making itself unpleasant. And we spend our time playing golf! What do we get out of it? Is golf any use?
We flew across and slung the clothes off him, and Harris landed him one with a slipper, and I shouted in his ear, and he awoke. "Wasermarrer?" he observed, sitting up. "Get up, you fat-headed chunk!" roared Harris. "It's quarter to ten." "What!" he shrieked, jumping out of bed into the bath; "Who the thunder put this thing here?" We told him he must have been a fool not to see the bath.
This attack was commenced by the ladies, but it was continued throughout the dinner by the fat-headed old gentleman next the parson with the persevering assiduity of a slow hound, being one of those long-winded jokers who, though rather dull at starting game, are unrivalled for their talents in hunting it down.
He gets up himself about seven three hours after all the others have finished breakfast and then fusses round under the impression that he is waking up the colony, the fat-headed old fool. He is the poorest thing in Presidents I have ever heard of. A South American Republic would supply a better article.
In either case, permit me to thank you for the use of your wardrobe, which, quaintly enough, has outlived its usefulness to me: a fat-headed detective named Hickey will tell you why, and to extend to you expression of my highest consideration. Believe me, I am enviously yours, Daniel Anisty' Signed," added Hickey mechanically, his face working. "Satisfied, Sleuth?"
"Do you think that three years' residence in Canada entitles you to abuse your countrymen, and call them 'fat-headed Englishmen'?" I asked. The humor of the situation seemed to strike him. "I don't know, Sir." "Well, your pay during your absence will be forfeited by Royal Warrant, and you are admonished not to use abusive language to your countrymen again."
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