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Updated: May 7, 2025
Whisky and he had swallowed nearly a glassful does produce striking effects upon teetotallers; so it may have been the whisky. Clithering turned slowly over on his side and went sound asleep. Bland and I carried him upstairs to a bedroom on the top storey of the club.
He was in a condition of pitiful bewilderment. Alice whose adventures in Wonderland have been very dear to me since I first read them aloud to Marion, was once placed in a difficult and awkward position by the kings, queens and knaves of the pack of cards with which she was playing coming to life. This was sufficiently embarrassing. But Clithering was much worse off than Alice.
The Ulster party alone Clubs, we may call them would not play fairly. They jumped out of the player's hand and obstinately declared that the green cloth was a real battlefield. The higher court cards of the suit Lady Moyne for instance, and Babberly Clithering felt himself able to control.
I got hold of a waiter, the only one left in the club, and made him bring us a whisky and soda. Bland squirted the syphon into Clithering's face, and I poured small quantities of whisky into his mouth. Clithering is a rigid teetotaller, and has for years been supporting every Bill for the suppression of public houses which has been brought before Parliament.
"There's no use splitting hairs," I said, "or discussing finicking points of political nomenclature. The point for you to grasp is that those are our terms." "Will you excuse me?" said Clithering. "This is all rather surprising. May I call up the Prime Minister on the telephone?" "Certainly," I said. "I'm in no hurry. But be sure you put it to him distinctly.
My God!" he cried. Then he was violently sick. He must have got into the club somehow from the back. I went over to him, intending to get him out of the room before he was sick again. He clutched my arm and held me tight. "Stop it," he said. "Stop it. Promise them anything, anything at all; only get them to stop." I did not quite know what Clithering wanted me to do.
He sent Sir Samuel Clithering to act as an intermediary. We met in the library of Moyne House, which was neutral ground. Lady Moyne had been one of the original syndicate which, so to speak, placed our insurrection on the market. Her house was therefore friendly soil for me.
I could imagine Clithering, heroic to the last, waving his incriminating telegram in the faces of his judges. Bland saved the situation. "Come along, Colonel," he said. "Show me where that court martial of yours is sitting. Lord Kilmore will restrain this lunatic till we get back." Crossan may have been pleased at being addressed as Colonel.
"Capital," said Clithering, laughing without the smallest appearance of mirth, "capital! I didn't catch the point for a moment, but I do now. My ass has fallen into a pit. You put the matter in a nutshell, Lord Kilmore. I don't mind confessing that a pit of rather an inconvenient size does lie in front of us.
"I don't reckon to be a military expert," said Conroy, "but it kind of occurs to me that those troops weren't doing all they knew. I don't say but you're quite right to boost your men all you can; but we'll make a big mistake if we start figuring on having defeated the British army." "I happen to know," I said, "that Mr. Conroy is quite right. Clithering " "That spaniel!" said McNeice.
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