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Updated: June 13, 2025
Bouvard, who wrote spread over his desk, with his elbows out, in order the better to round his letters, gave vent to a kind of whistle while half-closing his heavy eyelids with a waggish air.
Spiders crawled along the walls, and the geological specimens that encumbered the floor had whitened with their dust the velvet of the armchairs. On the chair which had least dirt on it they spread a cover, so that Madame Bordin might sit down. It was necessary to give her something good. Bouvard was in favour of the Tour de Nesle. But Pécuchet was afraid of parts which called for too much action.
In spite of this, they were often better than men; but at other times they were worse. In short, it was better to live without them. For his part, Pécuchet was a bachelor. "As for me, I'm a widower," said Bouvard, "and I have no children." "Perhaps you are lucky there. But, in the long run, solitude is very sad."
The others did not affect any regret. They chatted and smiled, with hands spread out before the flame. An old man picked out burning straws to light his pipe with; and one blackguard cried out that it was very funny. "Yes, 'tis nice fun!" retorted Bouvard, who had just overheard him.
They never went out without their grafting implements, and they used to cut the worms in two with such force that the iron of the implement would sink three inches deep. To get rid of caterpillars, they struck the trees furiously with switches. Bouvard planted a peony in the middle of the grass plot, and tomatoes so that they would hang down like chandeliers under the arch of the arbour.
Pécuchet, with a piece of charcoal, traced on the ground a black shield, in order to enclose within its compass the animal spirits whose duty it is to assist the ambient spirits, and rejoicing at having the mastery over Bouvard, he said to him, with a pontifical air: "I defy you to cross it!" Bouvard viewed this circular space. Soon his heart began throbbing, his eyes became clouded.
At eleven o'clock he took his breakfast, chatted after that with Mélie, and often did not make his appearance again for the rest of the day. In order to have pieces of furniture in good style, Bouvard and Pécuchet went scouring the country. What they brought back was not suitable; but they had come across a heap of curious things.
Every morning carriages convey the workers into the country, and bring them back in the evening. Standards are carried, festivities are held, cakes are eaten. Every woman, if she desires it, can have three men the husband, the lover, and the procreator. For celibates, the Bayadère system is established " "That fits me!" said Bouvard. And he lost himself in dreams of the harmonious world.
He became very heavy, puffed like a whale after his meals, tried to make himself thin, ate less, and began to grow weak. Pécuchet, in like manner, felt himself "undermined," had itchings in his skin and lumps in his throat. "This won't do," said they; "this won't do." Bouvard thought of going to select at the inn some bottles of Spanish wine in order to put his bodily machinery in order.
However, the two doctors each withheld his hand and did not offer it. Bouvard spoke first: "You seem wonderfully well." "Yes, I am and you?" said Minoret, feeling that the ice was now broken. "As you see." "Does magnetism prevent people from dying?" asked Minoret in a joking tone, but without sharpness. "No, but it almost prevented me from living." "Then you are not rich?" exclaimed Minoret.
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