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Updated: May 12, 2025
As he looked back on the incidents of the campaign and its culminating event with a sense of self-doubt poisoning his triumph, that which most sickened him of his own course was not the overt insult from the financial emperor, but the soft-palmed gratulation of Horace Vanney. Ambition is the most conservative of influences upon a radical mind.
This yearning, born of self-doubt, and intensified by a slight touch of gin, was beyond question the inspiration of his painful behavior when he came near the circle of chairs where sat Mr. and Mrs. Parcher, Miss Parcher, Miss Pratt, Miss Boke, Mr. Watson, Mr. Bullitt, others and William. "Nice tongue samwich, lady!" he announced, semi-cake-walking beneath his high-borne tray.
Self-doubt leads to passivity, and passivity to servitude. From this a voluntary submission is the only escape, that is to say, a state of dependence religiously accepted, a vindication of ourselves as free beings, bowed before duty only.
But you know her manner it is transparent near the surface, difficult to sound in its depths." "Yes, she has a childlike openness up to a certain point." "I can only tell you, therefore, what I think, judging as a woman, by outward signs. I seem to detect a sort of self-doubt as though she feared making some error.
All I mean is that caution, self-examination, self-doubt, calm consideration of the other side these are as necessary to success as energy and resolute action. All I suggest is that its splendour does not redeem a splendid folly. Its folly remains its essential characteristic." Three weeks later Howard became editor-in-chief of the News-Record.
He feared, as it was, that he had let slip his increased self-doubt. He put on his coat and hat and left the house. The raw cold, the year's first omen of winter, made his blood run quicker, forced into his mind a cleansing stimulation. But almost immediately even that prophylactic was denied him.
No doubt, to one who, like Ornstein, regarded music only as a means of communication, as speech of man to man, and occupied himself only with the communication of his sensations and experience in briefest, directest, simplest form, there must have come moments of the most terrible self-doubt, when all the anathemas of the fathers of the musical church thundered loud in his ears, and other men's forms and proportions seemed to make his shrivel.
It was just as whimsical as before, and just as half-mirthless gentle as it always had been whenever he thought at all of her but there was no wistful hunger left in it, and little of boyishness, and nothing of lurking self-doubt. "Why, she couldn't have known," he went on then, still murmuring aloud. "She couldn't have been expected to believe anything else. I I'm not much to look at just now."
He had relapsed into one of those periods of self-doubt that made him hate painting, with the hatred of a lover betrayed, who overwhelms the faithless one with insults although tortured by an uncontrollable desire to worship her yet again.
They used "to see" as a way to describe what they did with their eyes and with their mind, not what they did with their inner being. I learned to navigate within their world, but felt like I did not belong. The initial reentry into society was difficult in other ways. I found myself constantly reverting back to Rama's world of fear, isolation, and self-doubt.
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