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Updated: June 9, 2025
Is that vodka? I'll just take a thimbleful, Lázar Elizárych. AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA goes out with OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. PODKHALYÚZIN. Why is it you've favored us with a visit, may I inquire? RISPOLÓZHENSKY. He, he, he! What a joker you are, Lázar Elizárych! Of course you know why. PODKHALYÚZIN. And what may that be, I should like to know, sir? RISPOLÓZHENSKY. For money, Lázar Elizárych, for money!
"Samsón Sílych," says I, "I'm at an age when I must think about the continuance of posterity; and I, now, Samsón Sílych, haven't grudged my sweat and blood for your tranquillity. To be sure, now, Olimpiáda Samsónovna is a cultivated young lady; but I, Samsón Sílych, am no common trash; you can see for yourself, if you please. I have capital, and I'm a good manager in that line."
I'm ready to give away my whole soul for you, and by no means to do anything tricky. You're getting on in years; Agraféna Kondrátyevna is a very gentle lady; Olimpiáda Samsónovna is an accomplished young lady, and of suitable years; and you've got to spend some thought on her. But now such are the circumstances; there's no knowing what may come of all this. BOLSHÓV. Well, what could come of it?
You can see that daddy has got a bit tipsy, and you start to make a row. OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. It would be better for you, ma, to keep still! You seem to enjoy sending people to the third hell. I know: you'll catch it for this. It must be for that reason God didn't give you any more children. AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Keep still yourself, shameless creature!
I suppose you're all the time bustling around over new clothes, now. Have you laid in a stock of stylish things yet? OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Not much so far, and that mostly because the new stuffs have just come in. USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Naturally, my pearl, you can't help it; let 'em be of poor goods, so long's they're blue! But what kind of dresses did you order most of, woollens or silks?
Please consider yourself: all day, I think, and all night, I think Oh, dear me, of course Olimpiáda Samsónovna is a young lady whose like can't be found on earth But no, that cannot be, sir. What chance have I, sir? BOLSHÓV. What cannot be, you poor soft-head? PODKHALYÚZIN. How can it be possible, Samsón Sílych?
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Here, count: my wedding-dress of blond lace over a satin slip; and three velvets that makes four; two gauze and a crape embroidered with gold that's seven; three satin, and three grosgrain that's thirteen; gros de Naples and gros d'Afrique, seven that's twenty; three marceline, two mousseline de ligne, two Chine royale how many's that? three and four's seven, and twenty twenty-seven; four crape Rachel that's thirty-one.
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Well, and the satin, too it's not quite the thing, cut ballroom style, very low you understand? But I'll look up a crape Rachel jacket; we'll let out the tucks, and it'll fit you like the paper on the wall. USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Well, bring on your tripe Rachel! You win, my ruby; go open the clothes closet. OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Right away; wait just a minute.
TISHKA. There now, it fits you to a T! PODKHALYÚZIN. Well, Tishka, do I look like a Frenchman? Ah! Step away and look at me! TISHKA. Like as two peas. PODKHALYÚZIN. Go along, you blockhead! And you wanted to marry an officer, ma'am! Ain't I a sport, though? I picked the smartest coat I could find and put it on. OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. But you don't know how to dance, Lázar Elizárych.
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