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Updated: May 21, 2025
'Miss Mowcher! said I, after glancing up and down the empty street, without distinctly knowing what I expected to see besides; 'how do you come here? What is the matter? She motioned to me with her short right arm, to shut the umbrella for her; and passing me hurriedly, went into the kitchen.
'Do you know Twenty Eight's offence? I particularly recollect his case, from his being took by a dwarf. 'A what? 'A little woman. I have forgot her name? 'Not Mowcher? 'That's it!
To see Miss Mowcher standing over him, looking at his rich profusion of brown hair through a large round magnifying glass, which she took out of her pocket, was a most amazing spectacle. 'You're a pretty fellow! said Miss Mowcher, after a brief inspection. 'You'd be as bald as a friar on the top of your head in twelve months, but for me.
'If I had shown myself a sensitive dwarf to your false friend, pursued the little woman, shaking her head at me, with reproachful earnestness, 'how much of his help or good will do you think I should ever have had? Little Mowcher would have as much need to live, if she was the bitterest and dullest of pigmies; but she couldn't do it. No.
I supply it for 'em, but we keep up the trick so, to one another, and make believe with such a face, that they'd as soon think of laying it on, before a whole drawing-room, as before me. And when I wait upon 'em, they'll say to me sometimes WITH IT ON thick, and no mistake "How am I looking, Mowcher? Am I pale?" Ha! ha! ha! ha! Isn't THAT refreshing, my young friend!
'You know Charley? peeping round into his face. 'A little, said Steerforth. 'What a man HE is! THERE'S a whisker! Would you believe he tried to do without me in the Life-Guards, too? 'Mad! said Steerforth. 'It looks like it. However, mad or sane, he tried, returned Miss Mowcher.
'I said, what a set of humbugs we were in general, and I showed you the scraps of the Prince's nails to prove it. The Prince's nails do more for me in private families of the genteel sort, than all my talents put together. I always carry 'em about. They're the best introduction. If Miss Mowcher cuts the Prince's nails, she must be all right. I give 'em away to the young ladies.
But Miss Mowcher, finding that I was not at present disposed for any decoration within the range of her art, and that I was, for the time being, proof against the blandishments of the small bottle which she held up before one eye to enforce her persuasions, said we would make a beginning on an early day, and requested the aid of my hand to descend from her elevated station.
When we had had our laugh quite out, which was after some time, he told me that Miss Mowcher had quite an extensive connexion, and made herself useful to a variety of people in a variety of ways. Some people trifled with her as a mere oddity, he said; but she was as shrewdly and sharply observant as anyone he knew, and as long-headed as she was short-armed.
I replied politely: 'Not at all. But I thought she was rather so, when she tossed up his two half-crowns like a goblin pieman, caught them, dropped them in her pocket, and gave it a loud slap. 'That's the Till! observed Miss Mowcher, standing at the chair again, and replacing in the bag a miscellaneous collection of little objects she had emptied out of it. 'Have I got all my traps? It seems so.
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