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Updated: May 1, 2025
I say, hello the blacksmith-shop! Dr. Ketchup, why don't you git up? Hello! Corn-sweats and calamus! Hello! Whoop! Hurrah for Jackson and Dr. Ketchup! Hello! Thunderation! Stop thief! Fire! Fire! Fire! Murder! Murder! Help! Help! Hurrah! Treed the coon at last!" This last exclamation greeted the appearance of Dr. Ketchup's head at the window. "Are you drunk, Jonas Harrison?
"Oh no, that's not her name!" and Angus laughed too "It wouldn't do to give her real name! but Ketchup's quite as good and high-sounding as the one she's got. And as I tell you, the whole 'staff' was convulsed. Three shareholders came down post haste to the office one at full speed in a motor, and said how dare I mention Mrs. Mushroom Ketchup at all?
It was like my presumption to notice that she had smoked! Mrs. Mushroom Ketchup's name must be kept out of the papers she was a 'lady'! Oh, by Jove! how I laughed! I couldn't help myself! I just roared with laughter in the very faces of those shareholders!
Cynthy Ann listened admiringly to Dr. Ketchup's incomprehensible, oracular utterances, and then speedily put a bushel of ear-corn in the great wash-boiler, which was already full of hot water in expectation of such a prescription, and set the wafer-ash to draw. Julia had, up to this time, stood outside her mother's door trembling with fear, and not daring to enter.
"In the midst of it all I heard the Tomato Ketchup's kid yell. I remembered that this'd be my last chanst fer her to see the kid when she could get any happiness out of it.
"Hello!" said Jonas in true Western style, as he reined up in front of Dr. Ketchup's house in the outskirts of Brayville. "Hello the house!" But Dr. Ketchup was already asleep. "Takes a mighty long time to wake up a fat man," soliloquized Jonas. "He gits so used to hearin' hisself snore that he can't tell the difference 'twixt snorin' and thunder. Hello! Hello the house!
Mushroom Ketchup's diamonds are only so much fresh fuel piled on the burning anguish of starving and suffering men, anguish which results in anarchy. Any number of anarchists are bred from the Cooing Column!" "What would you have rich men do?" asked Helmsley suddenly.
The Tomato Ketchup's husband he pounded the floor for me to shut up, an' I told him though I never was what you might call a impudent janitor that if he thought he could chop it up any more soft, he'd better engage in it. But then the kid woke up, too, an' yelled some, an' I's afraid she'd hear it an' remember, an' so I quit. "Nex' mornin' I laid for Mr. Loneway in the hall.
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