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Updated: May 31, 2025
His character altogether might be said to have been a negative one, as the only speciality for which he was particularly distinguished was for the variety of intonation and meaning which he could give to his two favourite exclamations, "Yaas," and "Bai-ey Je-ove!" thus economising his conversational powers to a considerable extent, which was a great advantage for him and others, too, as he might, you know, have had little more to say.
While on the point of friendly congratulations and advice, I should not forget to mention, that Horner also had his fling at me, perpetrating what he considered a joke at my expense. "Bai-ey Je-ove!" he said the very next Sunday when I met him outside the church after service. "You aah one of aws, now, Lorton, hay?" "Yes," I said.
They looked strangers to the parish, I think: you must have seen them, I'm sure, eh?" "Bai-ey Je-ove! Two middle-aged ladies; one dwessed in hawf-mawning? "Nonsense, Horner!" said I, interrupting him; "what a mess you are making of it! I said one lady was middle-aged; and both dressed in half-mourning." "Weally, now? No, Lorton, 'pon honah; didn't see 'em, I asshaw you.
We men folk, on the contrary, soon contrive to exhibit the state of our feelings to unsympathising outsiders, who laugh at us and deride us thereanent! We are "creatures of impulse:" they, the most barefaced little dissimulators possible! Fancy, Horner being married, though! "Bai-ey Je-ove!" It would be, to me, well-nigh incredible!
But it was all those bweastwy little bahds and the bells, you know; and it's only once a ye-ah you know, Lorton," he added. "So you will never do so again till next time is that what you mean, Horner?" I asked. "Yaas! But, bai-ey Je-ove, I say, Lorton, my deah fellah, were the Clydes those ladies in hawf-mawning, eh?" said he, smiling feebly in his usual suave manner.
Well, you wouldn't have supposed that he bore me any great love or friendship, or felt kindly disposed towards me? But, he did! About a week after I left the Obstructor General's Office, he came to me I assure you, much to my astonishment offering me his assistance. "Bai-ey Je-ove! Lorton," said he, "sawy to he-ah you have left us, you know ah. Thawght you might be in a hole, you know ah?
I should only like to learn how many times his eye-glass was really appealed to, to help him out of a sentence; and, how frequently he said "Ba-iey Je-ove!" before the whole thing was arranged and his mind set at ease! The marriage was to take place very soon really, all of our acquaintances were getting married, and having their courses of true love to run smoothly for them, unlike Min and I!
Lady Dasher, you may be sure, I never went nigh; she would have altogether overwhelmed me. As for that insufferable ass, Horner, he was always asking me whenever we met, which was much oftener than I cared about, with a provoking simper and his unmeaning, eye-glass stare and drawling voice coupled with a tone of would-be-facetious irony "Bai-ey Je-ove!
Lorton, I asshaw you I only meant to say ah that Miss Clyde sang my songs most divinely ah and that she's ah a vewy nice gahl ah!" Confound him! What business had he to say or think anything of the sort? I could faintly hear his voice exclaim "Bai-ey Je-ove!" in the distance, after some seconds' interval, during which we had become widely separated.
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