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Updated: June 18, 2025
"I have heard of the man you have named, heard of him on the deaf side of my head, as did all Rome. But, in the name of Minerva, do not utter his name. It is best forgotten. Even so long after his execution and so far from Rome, the mention of the name of anyone implicated as he was might have most unfortunate results." "Not here and among us," Hirnio declared.
"He lived to a green old age," said Hirnio, "and must have enjoyed every moment of his life." "He seemed to," said Murmex. "And I conjecture," I put in, "that he was proud of his son." "He seemed so," Murmex admitted, "but he was never a tenth as proud of me as I of him."
We carried, lifted, dragged or rolled out of the way the disabled Vedians in the roadbed, making sure that not one was killed, we somehow got the travelling carriage turned round, no small feat in that narrow space; we readjusted the litter-poles, Tanno climbed in, Hirnio and Murmex and I mounted, Tanno's extra litter bearers led my farmers' horses and mules and we set off on our retreat, my nine tenants, even with two of them half scalped, forming a rearguard of entirely competent bludgeoners; certainly they must have impressed the Vedians as adequate, for no face so much as showed at a doorway until we were clear of the village and my tenants remounted.
"Then, when she saw no hope left of a senator, she almost landed Hirnio, tried to marry Uncle, and tried to marry me." "And just missed all three," said Hirnio, fervently. "I am still equally congratulating myself on my escape and wondering over it. I was sure Andivius would marry her, sure of it until his last illness made it impossible. And I feared for our Hedulio here.
Hirnio was inspecting Tanno's litter and chatting with Tanno about it. "Never saw one with poles like this," he said. "All I have seen had one long pole on each side, a continuous bar of wood from end to end. What's the idea of four poles, half poles you might call them, two on a side?" "You see," Tanno explained, "It is far harder to get sound, flawless, perfect poles full length.
Chase 'em! Vedius forever! At 'em boys! Mustard's the word! Make 'em run! Rescue Posis!" They clubbed us. They clubbed the horses, they clubbed the mules, they clubbed the bearers and their reliefs. They gave us no time to explain, and though I yelled out who I was and who was with me, though Hirnio and Tanno and Martius yelled similarly, their explanations were unheard in the hubbub or unheeded.
"We Romans," Tanno bantered, "are lamentably ignorant on the life- histories of brood-sows, slave-girls, prize-heifers and such-like notabilities of Sabinum." "She is no Sabine," Hirnio retorted, "but, as far as the locality of her birth and upbringing goes, is as Roman as you are. Did you never hear of Ummidius Quadratus?" "Hush!" Tanno breathed.
After I had finished reading, dead silence reigned in the triclinium; even Tanno was too dumbfounded to utter any sound. Hirnio spoke first. "Gentlemen," he said, "I beg of you to hear me out with attention. Like our Caius here and like his hereditary antagonist, Ducconius Furfur, I have never taken sides in our age-long local feud.
Should you prefer to follow the road along which we have come, which is rough, but less roundabout, you can, by taking every turn to the right, reach the Via Salaria some miles nearer Rome than where our road will bring us out on it." "I'll join your cavalcade, if you have no objection," the stranger said. Hirnio and I expressed our entire willingness to have his company.
"Nothing," he yelled, "will induce me to traverse that road again. I told you so. You promised to take the other road. What do you mean?" "Don't worry, Opsitius," Hirnio reassured him. "We turned instinctively according to habit. You shall have your way. It is not much farther by the other road." "Anyhow," I added, "Martius is not in sight. He was to have been here before us.
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