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Updated: May 7, 2025
John was not John, the war was not the war ... and it's only to-day now that I feel as though I were r-right inside. I've been so stupid I've made so many mistakes." She dropped her voice: "I've always been afraid, Ivan Andreievitch, that is the truth. You remember that morning before S ?" "Yes," I said. "I remember it." "Well, it has been often, often like that.
"'Disappointed of what? asked the judge. "'Of everything in which he believed.... said the man. "It seemed a poor excuse for a murder; he is still, I have no doubt, in Siberia. "But I envy my friend. That was a delightful death to die.... Good-night, Ivan Andreievitch." He waved his hand at me and was gone. I was quite alone in the long black street, engulfed by the high, overhanging flats.
Truly, Ivan Andreievitch, I don't wonder at Alexei's cynicism. I don't indeed. The world is a sad spectacle for an observant man." He suddenly put his hand through my arm, so close to me now that I could feel his beating heart. "But you believe, don't you, Ivan Andreievitch, that Russia now has found herself?" His voice became desperately urgent and beseeching. "You must believe that.
"No," he said, looking at me. "I will do you justice. You are not." He pulled his Shuba close about him. "Good-night, Ivan Andreievitch," he said. "It's been a very pleasant talk." "Very," I answered. "Good-night," After he had gone I drew back the blinds and let the moonlight flood the room.
I said, bending down to him, He got up and to my surprise seemed quite composed. He was rubbing his eyes as though he had waked from sleep. "Not at all," he answered in his shrill little voice. "No.... What a noise! Did you hear it, Ivan Andreievitch?" Did I hear it? A ridiculous question!
She spoke very low, so that I could scarcely hear her words. "Wait, Vera," I said. "Let it alone. Nina's very young. The mood will pass. Lawrence, perhaps, will go back to England." She drew in her breath and I saw her hand tremble, but she still looked at me, only now her eyes were not so clear. Then she laughed. "I'm getting an old woman, Ivan Andreievitch. It's ridiculous...." She broke off.
And yet I cannot leave him, because I am soft, soft without bones, like my country, Ivan Andreievitch.... My lover is strong. Nothing can change his will. He will go, will leave me, until he knows that I am free. Then he will never leave me again. "Perhaps I will get tired of his strength one day it may be just as now I am tired of Nicholas's weakness. Everything has its end.
Nina can tell them all." "Tell them what?" "Oh, you'll hear with the rest. Uncle Alexei has done this. He told Nina because he hates me. He won't rest until he ruins us all. But I don't care. He can't take from me what I've got. He can't take from me what I've got.... But we must get her back, Ivan Andreievitch. She must come back " Nicholas came in and then Semyonov and then Bohun.
He had never been famous for personal modesty, but he seemed now to be physically twice his normal size. He was fat, his cheeks puffed, his stomach swelling beneath the belt that bound it. His fair hair was long, and rolled in large curls on one side of his head and over his forehead. He spoke in a loud, overbearing voice. "Nu, Ivan Andreievitch, what can I do for you?" he repeated.
Make him as noble as you like, Ivan Andreievitch. You cannot colour it too high. He is the real thing and I am the sham.... But oh! I do not want to live with him any more, I am tired of him, his experiments, his lamentations, his weakness, his lack of humour tired of him, sick of him.
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