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Updated: June 21, 2025
'How should I know, brother? answered Dennis. 'SHE never said; not she. Hugh looked, for a moment, as though he would have made some further inquiry into this incoherent recollection; but Simon Tappertit, who had been meditating deeply, gave his thoughts a new direction. 'Hugh! said Sim. 'You have done well to-day. You shall be rewarded. So have you, Dennis.
'It WAS a queer fancy, rejoined the other, breathing on his fictitious nose, and polishing it with the cuff of his coat, 'but he was a queer subject altogether a kind of gipsy one of the finest, stand-up men, you ever see. Ah! He told me some things that would startle you a bit, did that friend of mine, on the morning when he died. 'You were with him at the time, were you? said Mr Tappertit.
Hence their connection with the Protestant Association of England, sanctioned by the name of Lord George Gordon; and hence their present visit to The Boot. 'Gentlemen! said Mr Tappertit, taking off his hat as a great general might in addressing his troops. 'Well met. My lord does me and you the honour to send his compliments per self. 'You've seen my lord too, have you? said Dennis.
As she uttered this criticism, she glanced approvingly at her small mirror, as who should say, I thank my stars that can't be said of me! as it certainly could not; for Miss Miggs's style of beauty was of that kind which Mr Tappertit himself had not inaptly termed, in private, 'scraggy.
On the other hand, the true cynic has not enough truth in him to attempt affectation; he has never even seen the truth, far less tried to imitate it. Now we might very well take the type of Mr. Chester on the one hand, and of Sim Tappertit on the other, as marking the issue, the conflict, and the victory which really ushered in the nineteenth century. Dickens was very like Sim Tappertit.
Simon Tappertit, who had at first implicitly believed that the locksmith's daughter, unable any longer to suppress her secret passion for himself, was about to give it full vent in its intensity, and to declare that she was his for ever, looked extremely foolish when she said these words; the more so, as they were received by Hugh and Dennis with a loud laugh, which made her draw back, and regard him with a fixed and earnest look.
'Without the numbers, sir, that is my name, replied the 'prentice. 'They are merely intended as directions to the washerwoman, and have no connection with myself or family. YOUR name, sir, said Mr Tappertit, looking very hard at his nightcap, 'is Chester, I suppose? You needn't pull it off, sir, thank you. I observe E. C. from here. We will take the rest for granted.
'Yes! roared Hugh. 'You speak like a man, said Mr Tappertit, 'and I'll shake hands with you. With these conciliatory expressions he suited the action to the word; and Hugh meeting his advances readily, they performed the ceremony with a show of great heartiness. 'I find, said Mr Tappertit, looking round on the assembled guests, 'that brother What's-his-name and I are old acquaintance.
If you knew how this chap, this Joseph Willet that's his name comes backwards and forwards to our house, libelling, and denouncing, and threatening you, and how I shudder when I hear him, you'd hate him worse than I do, worse than I do, sir, said Mr Tappertit wildly, putting his hair up straighter, and making a crunching noise with his teeth; 'if sich a thing is possible.
'What of her? 'Is now in London. 'A curse upon her, be she where she may! 'That's natural enough. If she had taken her annuity as usual, you would not have been here, and we should have been better off. But that's apart from the business. She's in London. 'How do you know? 'From my friend the noble captain the illustrious general the bladder, Mr Tappertit.
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