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He iss a ferry foolish fellow; and it wass him tat wass goin' into ta steamboat before, and he went to a tailor in Styornoway, and he said to him, 'I want a pair o' troosers. And the tailor said to him, 'What sort o' troosers iss it you will want? And he said to him, 'I want a pair o' troosers for a steamboat. A pair o' troosers for a steamboat! he is a teffle of a foolish fellow.
I used to have mair colds before I took to wearing kilts than ever I've had since I made a practice of gie'in up my troosers. And there's a freedom aboot a kilt that troosers canna gie ye. I've made many friends in America, but I'm afraid I've made some enemies, too. For there's a curious trait I've found some Americans have.
"I expect they'll be takin' a walk aroond verra soon, tae." "Eh, then," I said, "would we no be doing well to be moving hameward? If anyone comes this way I'll be breaking the mile record between here and Creetown!" The poacher laughed. "Ay, maybe," he said. "But if it's old Adam Broom comes ye'll hae to be runnin' faster than the charge o' shot he'll be peppering your troosers wi' in the seat!"
'But, granny! hoo ever Betty, no to say you, cud hae driven oot a puir half-stervit cratur like Shargar, even supposin' he oucht to hae been in coaties, and no in troosers and the mither o' him run awa' an' left him it's mair nor I can unnerstan. I misdoobt me sair but he's gane and droont himsel'.
He glowered at the cake like's he was tryin' to mismerise somebody; an' then he says, "See a haud o' my troosers there, Bawbie. I'll go doon an' pet that baker through his mixin' machine. I'll lat him see what kind o' a fiend I am. I'll fiend him."
Men o' means went proodly aboot, and showed their patched clothes, where the wife had put a new seat in their troosers 't'was a badge of honor, then, to show worn shoes, old claes. Weel, was it only then, and for the first time, that it was patriotic for a man to be cautious and saving?
"When I gaed up the stair wi' a licht, what did I see but my Auntie Leeb's braw lookin'-gless a' to flinders i' the flure? The licht o' the can'le had burned up against it, an' riven't a' to pieces. When I turned roond, here's Sandy stappin' ooten his kilt, an' gaen awa' to pet on his troosers.
A' seemed rawsy for the wee boy, but yin day, accused o' the mairder o' the butler an' the bairglary of his brithers' troosers, he rin frae hame, crossin' to Ameriky, wheer he foon' employment wi' a rancher as coo-boy. Whilst there, his naturally adventurous speerit brocht him into contact wi' Alkali Pete the Road-Agent ye ken the feller that haulds oop the Deadville stage?"
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