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Updated: June 18, 2025
So he awaited the second, which came simultaneously with a second series of shrieks and a cry for help in the unmistakable voice of the cook; a lady, by-the-way, who had followed the Terwilliger fortunes ever since the Terwilligers began to have fortunes, and whose first capacity in the family had been the dual one of mistress of the kitchen and confidante of madame.
Terwilliger, the Misses Terwilliger, and Master Hankinson J. Terwilliger, Jun., of Soleton, Massachusetts, had plunged into the dizzy whirl of English society, and that the sole of the three-dollar shoe now trod the baronial halls of the Bangletops. For a time everything was plain sailing for the Americans at Bangletop. The dire forebodings of the agent did not seem to be fulfilled, and Mr.
H'I'm bound to 'aunt this 'all, an' that's hall there is about it. H'I carn't find a better wy to ly them Baingletops low than by attachin' of their hincome, hand the rent of this 'all is the honly bit of hincome within my reach." "But I've leased the place for five years," said Terwilliger, in despair; "and I've paid the rent in advance." "Carn't 'elp it," returned the ghost.
"But there is something, Judson, and as your wife I demand to know what it is. Perhaps I can help you." And then Mr. Terwilliger broke down, and told the whole story to Mrs. Terwilliger, omitting no detail, stopping only to bring that worthy lady to on the half-dozen or more occasions when her emotions were too strong for her nerves, causing her to swoon.
Desirable as Bangletop Hall is, it seems fated to be unoccupied because it is thought to be haunted, or something of that sort, the effect of which is to drive away cooks, and without cooks life is hardly an ideal." Mr. Terwilliger laughed. "Ghosts and me are not afraid of each other," he said. "'Let 'em haunt, I say; and as for cooks, Mrs. H.J.T. hasn't had a liberal education for nothing.
"I'd look well marrying a draught from a dark cavern, as you call it, now wouldn't I? To say nothing of the impossibility of a Mugley marrying a cook. I cannot entertain the proposition." "You'll find you can't entertain anything if you don't watch out," fumed Terwilliger, in return. "I'm not so sure about that," replied the earl, haughtily, sipping his lemon squash.
"No, no; purchase a dukedom." "I don't want a dukedom; I want a duchessdom." "That's all right. Buy the title, give it to the cook, and let her marry some spectre of her own rank; she can give him the title; and there you are!" "Good scheme!" cried Terwilliger.
"I fancy Miss Ariadne is not entirely indifferent to me." "Well, you might just as well understand on this 18th day of July, 18 , as any other time, that my daughter Ariadne never becomes the Earless of Mugley," said Terwilliger, in a tone of exasperation.
As for Judson, he always smiles when his wife calls him Duke, but denies the titular impeachment, for he is on good terms with his landlord, whose admiration for his tenant's wholly unexpected ability to retain his cook causes him to regard him as a supernatural being, and therefore worthy of a Bangletop's regard. "All of which," Terwilliger says to Mrs.
"We'll call a truce for two weeks, at the end of which time you must come back here, and we'll settle on the final arrangements. Keep your own counsel in the matter, and don't breathe a word about your intentions to anybody. Above all, keep sober." "H'I'm no cannibal," retorted the ghost. "Who said you were?" asked Terwilliger. "You intimated as much," said the ghost, with a smile.
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