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Updated: June 20, 2025
After four years, during which he had saved a considerable sum, the ship was declared unserviceable, and broken up, and Mr Skrimmage was sent on board of the guard-ship, where his ready wit immediately pointed out to him the advantages which might be reaped by permanently belonging to her, as clerk of the ship, and caterer of the midshipmen's berth.
I tuk them for the same chaps I hed seed parley vooin' at the craps-table; an' tho't they wur only jokin', till one of them gin me a sockdolloger over the head, an' fired a pistol. I then drewed my bowie, an' the skrimmage begun; an' thet's all I know about it, cap'n, more'n yurself. "Let's see if it's all up with this'n," continued the hunter, stooping.
Now, as Mr Skrimmage always received one guinea as entrance to the mess, and a week's subscription in advance, and, moreover, never spent even the latter, or had his accounts examined, it is easy to conceive what a profitable situation he had created for himself.
In the meantime, while they were getting ready, Mr Skrimmage having restored the precision of his apparel, proceeded to the quarter-deck and made his complaint to the first-lieutenant; but these complaints had been repeatedly made before, and Mr Phillips was tired of hearing them, and was aware that he deserved his fate.
"Cobb her, cobb her!" roared out all the midshipmen, who were irritated at her language; and in a moment she was seized by a dozen of them, who dragged her to the table. Mrs Skrimmage struggled in vain, and there appeared every chance of the threat being put in force. "Oh, is this the way to treat a lady? Skrimmage! help, help!"
I have no doubt you are very tired, and one of the sentinels will conduct you to your tents." "I think Lieutenant Lyon had better see Dr. Farnwright before he goes to sleep," said Life. "Is he wounded?" asked the general, with interest and anxiety. "Only slightly. We had a skrimmage with half a dozen deserters from the enemy, and licked 'em handsome," added Life.
The mother was silent, for she knew the terrible fits of passion to which he was subject. The father groaned deeply, and exclaimed "Frank, Frank, God help you, an' show you the sins you're committin', an' the heart-scaldin' you're givin' both your mother and me! What fresh skrimmage had you that you're in that state?"
"Damn Mrs Skrimmage," said a voice from the other end of the table. "What!" cried the indignant husband; "what did I hear? Who was that?" "'Twas this young gentleman, Mr Caterer," said a malicious lad, pointing to one opposite. "Me, sir!" replied the youngster, recollecting the game they had just been playing; "you lie, sir." "Who then, sir?" "Black Cap Black Cap," pointing to another.
But nothing about that thing that happened to him off Cape Horn, long ago, when he lay like dead for three days and nights; nothing about that deadly skrimmage with the Spaniard afore the altar in Santa? heard nothing about that, eh? Nothing about the silver calabash he spat into? And nothing about his losing his leg last voyage, according to the prophecy.
"You hear, gentlemen," said Mr Skrimmage. "Hear! yes, but we don't taste. I should like to see it sarved out," continued the master's-mate. "Sir," replied Mr Skrimmage, "I must take the liberty to observe to you, that that is a responsibility never intrusted to the steward. The established allowance is always portioned out by Mrs Skrimmage herself."
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