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Forty-five copecks change in coppers. Will you take it? And so, Rodya, you are set up with a complete new rig-out, for your overcoat will serve, and even has a style of its own. That comes from getting one's clothes from Sharmer's! As for your socks and other things, I leave them to you; we've twenty-five roubles left. And as for Pashenka and paying for your lodging, don't you worry.
I must put an end to myself. And again he felt afraid, and again, to escape from that thought, he went on thinking about Pashenka. So he lay for a long time, thinking now of his unavoidable end and now of Pashenka. She presented herself to him as a means of salvation.
Tchebarov turns up, a business man. Pashenka would never have thought of doing anything on her own account, she is too retiring; but the business man is by no means retiring, and first thing he puts the question, 'Is there any hope of realising the I O U? Answer: there is, because he has a mother who would save her Rodya with her hundred and twenty-five roubles pension, if she has to starve herself; and a sister, too, who would go into bondage for his sake.
That's what he was building upon.... Why do you start? I know all the ins and outs of your affairs now, my dear boy it's not for nothing that you were so open with Pashenka when you were her prospective son-in-law, and I say all this as a friend.... But I tell you what it is; an honest and sensitive man is open; and a business man 'listens and goes on eating' you up.
She could hardly do so, not having seen him for almost twenty years. 'Don't think ill of me, Father. Perhaps you want something to eat? He took the bread and the money, and Praskovya Mikhaylovna was surprised that he did not go, but stood looking at her. 'Pashenka, I have come to you! Take me in...
He interests me very much! In half an hour I'll go and see him again.... There'll be no inflammation though." "Thanks! And I'll wait with Pashenka meantime and will keep watch on him through Nastasya...." Raskolnikov, left alone, looked with impatience and misery at Nastasya, but she still lingered. "Won't you have some tea now?" she asked. "Later! I am sleepy! Leave me."
He took it all and went away. It was dark, and before he had passed the second house he was lost to sight. She only knew he was there because the dog at the priest's house was barking. 'So that is what my dream meant! Pashenka is what I ought to have been but failed to be.
But as it is I have not been able to do anything, and have brought them all to this as you see. 'Yes, yes, said Kasatsky, lowering his head. 'And how is it, Pashenka do you take part in Church life? 'Oh, don't speak of it. I am so bad that way, and have neglected it so! I keep the fasts with the children and sometimes go to church, and then again sometimes I don't go for months.
Pashenka, I am not a holy man, I am not even as good as a simple ordinary man; I am a loathsome, vile, and proud sinner who has gone astray, and who, if not worse than everyone else, is at least worse than most very bad people. Pashenka looked at him at first with staring eyes.
And you, Nastasya, look in pretty often while I am away, to see whether he wants a drink or anything else. And I will tell Pashenka what is wanted myself. Good-bye!" "He calls her Pashenka! Ah, he's a deep one!" said Nastasya as he went out; then she opened the door and stood listening, but could not resist running downstairs after him. She was very eager to hear what he would say to the landlady.
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