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Updated: June 25, 2025
Anton Prokofievitch is very fond of good eating, and plays a good game at cards. Obeying orders always was his forte; so, taking his hat and cane, he set out at once on his errand. But, as he walked along, he began to ponder in what manner he should contrive to induce Ivan Nikiforovitch to come to the assembly.
Pray, Anton Prokofievitch, persuade Ivan Nikiforovitch! Come, Ivan Nikiforovitch, let us go! a very choice company is already met there." Ivan Nikiforovitch began to look at a cock, which was perched on the roof, crowing with all its might. "If you only knew, Ivan Nikiforovitch," pursued the zealous ambassador, "what fresh sturgeon and caviare Peter Feodorovitch has had sent to him!"
Ivan Ivanovitch spoke with uncommon force when his spirit was up. The group presented a striking picture: Ivan Nikiforovitch standing in the middle of the room; the woman with her mouth wide open and a senseless, terrified look on her face, and Ivan Ivanovitch with uplifted hand, as the Roman tribunes are depicted.
Ivan Nikiforovitch is very fond of bathing; and when he gets up to the neck in water, orders a table and a samovar, or tea urn, to be placed on the water, for he is very fond of drinking tea in that cool position. Ivan Ivanovitch shaves twice a week; Ivan Nikiforovitch once. Ivan Ivanovitch is extremely curious. God preserve you if you begin to tell him anything and do not finish it!
Perfected prisons would cost more than is spent on popular education and would be a new burden on the populace." "But the deficiencies of the penitentiary system do not invalidate the judicial system," Ignatius Nikiforovitch again continued, without listening to his brother-in-law. "These deficiencies cannot be corrected," said Nekhludoff, raising his voice. "What then? Would you kill?
Ivan Nikiforovitch was already feeling in his pocket for his snuff-box, and was about to say, "Do me the favour." "Is it not an insult," answered Ivan Ivanovitch, without raising his eyes, "when you, my dear sir, insulted my honour and my family with a word which it is improper to repeat here?"
I put it to you, dear readers, what was to be expected now, when the fatal word was uttered in an assemblage of persons among whom were ladies, in whose presence Ivan Ivanovitch liked to be particularly polite? If Ivan Nikiforovitch had set to work in any other manner, if he had only said bird and not goose, it might still have been arranged, but all was at an end.
"Prisons are great places for correction," Nekhludoff put in. "Or the removal," persistently continued Ignatius Nikiforovitch, "of those depraved and savage people who threaten the existence of society." "That is just where the trouble is. Courts can do neither the one nor the other. Society has no means of doing it." "How is that?
The chief of police himself, in a moment of forgetfulness, was the first to betray himself. When Ivan Nikiforovitch was informed of it he said nothing: he merely inquired, "Was it the brown one?" But Agafya Fedosyevna, who was present, began again to urge on Ivan Nikiforovitch. "What's the matter with you, Ivan Nikiforovitch? People will laugh at you as at a fool if you let it pass.
Ivan Nikiforovitch, on his side, exhibited the same touching tokens of friendship; and whenever he chanced to be standing, always held out his hand to Ivan Ivanovitch with his snuff-box, saying: "Do me the favour!" And what fine managers both were! And these two friends! When I heard of it, it struck me like a flash of lightning. For a long time I would not believe it.
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