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Updated: May 29, 2025
Dunks came down from Grinstead to deliver an explosive lecture on chemistry; and I had always seen the reserved seats filled by the best families in the neighborhood. Fully persuaded of the force of my own arguments, I made up my mind to prefer this tremendous request on the first favorable opportunity, and so hurried home, with my head full of quite other thoughts than usual.
John Peter was fourth of a family of seven children, all males, and hard at the bottle early in life: 'for want of proper occupation, he says in his Memoirs, and applauds his brother Stanson, the clergyman, for being ahead of him in renouncing strong dunks, because he found that he 'cursed better upon water. Water, however, helped Stanson Kirby to outlive his brothers and inherit the Lincolnshire property, and at the period of the great scandal in London he was palsied, and waited on by his grandson and heir Ralph Thorkill Kirby, the hero of an adventure celebrated in our Law courts and on the English stage; for he took possession of his coachman's wife, and was accused of compassing the death of the husband.
The plan proposed was that General Greene should embark 2,000 men at Dunks' ferry, and descending the Delaware in the night land in the town just before day, attack the enemy in the rear, and take possession of the bridge over the Schuylkill; that a strong corps should march down on the west side of that river, occupy the heights enfilading the works of the enemy, and open a brisk cannonade upon them, while a detachment from it should march down to the bridge and attack in front at the same instant that the party descending the river should commence its assault on the rear.
All the winter a few decrepit-looking tarts and buns form the shop window display of each. But when signs of life begin in the cottages the battle starts. "Seven for sixpence," Benson writes in red letters on a card in the midst of his "drop" cakes. "Eight for sixpence," Dunks retorts in larger type in the midst of his heap of the popular confectionery.
"Shall we get in, Dave?" cried Tom. "Get in, lad! Why, what for?" "Now, Dave, don't go on like that," cried Dick impatiently. "Let's get on, there's a good fellow. I do want to see you work the decoy." "Oh, you don't care for that! 'Sides, I want to go to Hickathrift's to see his dunky pigs." "Nonsense! What do you want to see the dunks for?" "Thinking o' keeping a pig o' my own out thar, lads.
Hugh was solemnly warned not to be beguiled into dealing with Dunks. Dunks did give, it was true, nine for sixpence; but then Pauline had measured them once with Miss Bibby's tape measure measured them "longways, and broadways, and fatways," and Benson's had been fully half an inch superior. These were the two photographers.
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