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Updated: May 28, 2025
I have undergone such unspeakable torments, in bringing forth this sermon, quoth Yorick, upon this occasion that I declare, Didius, I would suffer martyrdom and if it was possible my horse with me, a thousand times over, before I would sit down and make such another: I was delivered of it at the wrong end of me it came from my head instead of my heart and it is for the pain it gave me, both in the writing and preaching of it, that I revenge myself of it, in this manner To preach, to shew the extent of our reading, or the subtleties of our wit to parade in the eyes of the vulgar with the beggarly accounts of a little learning, tinsel'd over with a few words which glitter, but convey little light and less warmth is a dishonest use of the poor single half hour in a week which is put into our hands 'Tis not preaching the gospel but ourselves For my own part, continued Yorick, I had rather direct five words point-blank to the heart.
You know this man, though of very low birth, possessed many excellent qualities, and was basely murdered by the praetorian guards, at the instigation of Didius Tulianus. At present, the work has the appearance of a ruinous watch-tower, with Gothic battlements; and as such stands undistinguished by those who travel by sea from hence to Genoa, and other ports of Italy.
and Aulus Didius opens the other play with a description somewhat more appropriate: we could fancy that both these personages had come fresh from the study of the English garden. The distresses of Elfrida, and the heroism of Caractacus, are in danger of becoming objects of secondary consideration, while we are admiring the shades of Harewood, and the rocks of Mona.
Nobody ever heard of a navy putting up an empire at auction and knocking down the throne of the world to a Didius Julianus.
Yet even when they had been encompassed on all sides, not even then would they accept any terms of surrender, though Didius made them many promises.
The most esteemed Roman officers, such as Gaius Marius, Quintus Catulus, and the two consulars of experience in the Spanish war, Titus Didius and Publius Crassus, placed themselves at the disposal of the consuls for these posts; and though the Italians had not names so celebrated to oppose to them, yet the result showed that their leaders were in a military point of view nowise inferior to the Romans.
Eighty-nine of the hundred he shot through the heart; the remaining eleven with difficult fancy shots which he was, against all reason, tempted to essay, and which, against all probability, uniformly were fully successful. Didius Julianus paid his wager without any show of chagrin, as he could well afford to do.
How finely we argue upon mistaken facts! There was not a soul busied in all these various reasonings upon the monosyllable which Phutatorius uttered who did not take this for granted, proceeding upon it as from an axiom, namely, that Phutatorius's mind was intent upon the subject of debate which was arising between Didius and Yorick; and indeed as he looked first towards the one and then towards the other, with the air of a man listening to what was going forwards who would not have thought the same?
Accordingly, he restored him his diadem again; and encouraged him to exhibit himself as great a friend to himself as he had been to Antony, and then had him in great esteem. Moreover, he added this, that Quintus Didius had written to him that Herod had very readily assisted him in the affair of the gladiators.
Shandy, to dive into the bottom of this doubt, whether the name can be changed or not and as the beards of so many commissaries, officials, advocates, proctors, registers, and of the most eminent of our school-divines, and others, are all to meet in the middle of one table, and Didius has so pressingly invited you who in your distress would miss such an occasion?
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