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Updated: May 7, 2025
Whiniver he sees her readin' advertisements iv th' summer resorts he knows that th' fit is coming on, an' befure she gets to th' stage iv buyin' a cure f'r freckles he takes her down to th' deepo an' shows her th' people goin' on their vacations an' comin' back.
'It is wished, he says, 'to be apprihinded, he says, 'be those desirous not to have been misinformed, he says, 'concarnin' th' recent appearance iv Cap Sir Mills at me party, he says, 'that 'twas not be me that said Cap Sir Mills come to be on th' site, he says, 'but rather, he says, 'through a desire on th' part iv Cap Sir Mills to butt into a party to which his invitation was lost about three hours befure 'twas written, he says."
Ivry man in th' tenth precint cud fight his weight in scrap-iron. Most iv thim come fr'm th' ancient Hellenic province iv May-o; but they was a fair sprinklin' iv Greek heroes fr'm Roscommon an' Tipperary, an' a few from th' historic spot where th' Head iv Kinsale looks out on th' sea, an' th' sea looks up at th' Head iv Kinsale. Th' little boys cud box befure they was out iv skirts.
I got an eight-year-old boy, an' if he cudden't take a baseball club an' go in an' bate that Spanish fleet into junk in twinty minyits I'd call him Alger an' thrade him off f'r a bicycle, he says. 'I guess that's r-right. They say he was a purty tough man befure he left Wash'n'ton. 'Sure he was.
But the judge was very lenient with him. He said he needn't pay it if he cuddent. Th' coort wud give him a letther of inthroduction to th' bridewell an' he cud stay there f'r two hundhred days. At that rate it'll be a long time befure Jawn D. an' me meet again on the goluf-links.
They'd make thim ten thousand if they had their way an' mark thim: 'F'r men on'y. But, annyhow, th' ladies comity wint down to Washin'ton. They'd been there befure an' dhriven th' Demon Rum fr'm th' resthrant into a lair in th' comity room. A Congressman came out, coughin' behind his hand, an' put his handkerchief into th' northwest corner iv his coat.
'Ye know ye can't afford to lose ye'er job with me in this dilicate condition, he says. 'I'm going to sleep now, he says. 'An', Mollie, do ye bring me in a cup iv cocoa an' a pooched igg at tin, he says. 'I ixpect me music-teacher about that time. We have to take a wallop out iv Wagner an' Bootoven befure noon. 'Th' Lord save us fr'm harm, says Mrs. Donahue.
I've seen a man that made speeches that was set to music an' played be a silver cornet band in Ioway that hadn't been in Congress f'r a month befure he wudden't speak above a whisper or more thin an inch fr'm ye'er ear." "Do ye think Hiven sint us to th' Ph'lippeens?" Mr. Hennessy asked. "I don't know," said Mr. Dooley, "th' divvle take thim." "This man Dewey ," began Mr. Dooley.
Th' air was reekin' with corruption, says he. Th' polis foorce was rotten to th' core. Th' rights iv property was threatened. What, says he, was we goin' to do about it? "Danny Gallagher got up, as good a lad as iver put that in his face to desthroy his intelligence, as Shakspere says. 'Gintlemen, says he, 'wan wurrud befure we lave, he says.
Hennessy, "an' had a chunk iv coal fr'm th' sunk 'Merrimac, I'd iv handed it to that man Loot Hobson. I wud so. Th' idee iv a hero standin' up befure thousan's iv men with fam'lies an' bein' assaulted be ondacint females. It med me blush down to th' soles iv me feet. If they let this thing go on, be hivins, why do they stop th' hootchy-kootchy?"
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