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"Why have you come back all of a sudden?" "The Wymington people wired for me. It seems the committee are divided between me and Sir Gerald Macnaughton." "He has strong claims," said I. "He has been Mayor of the place and got knighted by mistake. He also gives large dinners and wears a beautiful diamond pin." "I believe he goes to bed in it. Oh, he's an awful ass!
I have allayed the anxiety of my sisters, whispered mysterious encouragement to Maisie Ellerton, held out hopes of her son's emancipation to Lady Kynnersley, played fairy godmother to various poor and deserving persons, and brought myself into an enviable condition of glowing philanthropy. To my great relief the Wymington committee have adopted Dale as their candidate at the by-election.
You don't know what mayn't be happening, or what mayn't have happened in yon place! But look here I can't stop. Me and Sam Barraclough's going off to Wymington now, in his motor he'll be waiting at this minute. You do what I say stop here and watch a bit. And if you see aught, go to Polke and insist on the police searching that place. That's my advice!"
The only man to whom such an idea could come on hearing that he, Neale, was missing, was old Rob Walford and Walford, by that time, would be well on his way to Wymington, thirty miles off, and as he was to be there all night, and all next day, he would hear nothing until his return to Scarnham, twenty-four hours hence. No! he was caught.
It was he who said at a public function 'The Mayor of Wymington must be like Caesar's wife all things to all men! Oh, he's a colossal ass! And his conceit! My word!" "You needn't expatiate on it," said I. "I who speak have suffered much at the hands of Sir Gerald Macnaughton." "If he did get into Parliament he'd expect an armchair to be put for him next to the Speaker.
I was going on to tell Polke about it at once, but I remembered that you were in the house at this cricket club meeting, so I thought you'd do instead you can tell Polke. I'm in a bit of a hurry myself you know it's Wymington Races tomorrow, and I'm off there tonight, at once, to meet a man that I do a bit of business with in these matters we make a book together, d'ye see so I can't stop.
He seemed so earnest about it that I humoured him; and my correspondents seemed so earnest that I humoured them. But it was a grim jest. Most of the matters with which I had to deal appeared so trivial. Only here and there did I find a chance for eumoiriety. The Wymington Hospital applied for their annual donation. "You generally give a tenner," said Dale.
But first let me go through the appointments." He consulted a pocket-book. On December 2nd I was to dine with Tanners' Company and reply to the toast of "The House of Commons." On the 4th my constituency claimed me for the opening of a bazaar at Wymington. A little later I was to speak somewhere in the North of England at a by-election in support of the party candidate.
Really, Lola, you never saw such a chap. If there was any one else up against me I wouldn't mind. Anyway, I'm running down to Wymington to-morrow to interview the committee. And if they choose me, then it'll be a case of 'Lord don't help me and don't help the b'ar, and you'll see the derndest best b'ar fight that ever was. I'll make things hum in Wymington!"
I am praying heaven to grant his adoption by the Wymington committee, not because it will be the first step of the ladder of his career, but because the work and excitement of a Parliamentary election will prohibit overmuch lounging in my chair in Lola Brandt's drawing-room. Is there any drug I wonder which can restore a eumoirous tone to the system?
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