"Very well, I accept," I said to Marchenko, "but I must say to you that it is not for the protection you promise me. I do not care much for my life, but I would like to preserve it. Not to die right now, but hold it until the moment when I could avenge myself. And that's my personal aim.
"Hello," he said, "glad to know you're alive." "Yes," I answered, "I am about the only one whom they have not happened to exterminate, but it is coming"! Marchenko smiled. "You should not stay here for very long," he said, "It is getting dangerous and raids are being planned to finish with the burjoois who are hiding in the outskirts of Moscow."
My diary has been censored: many pages are missing and some rough hand-made corrections in the text have been made leaving greasy spots on the paper. Some of my documents are stolen. I don't see the letter from Marchenko to Schmelin, the chart with Mamaev's stations, and a few others.
My return to life, and with it my return to the desire for activity and eating, was commemorated by the appearance at my bed of nobody else but Marchenko.
I understand why Goroshkin's letters missed me she got them!... Now I understand what she meant by saying that I was trying to double cross her! In fact Lucie is right, and that's why it's maddening. I wonder what Goroshkin and Marchenko think of me? To whom I must seem a swine! And what a bad way of her's, to leave my letters a present for me!
If so, why this game of the Smolny crowd? Why not take him? The man of whom I wrote you in my last letter states that K-y is now planning to go to Stockholm and that a passport will be given to him by the Smolny Institute. Please communicate that to Marchenko. Schmelin says it is not his business. The ring was taken from K-y. Nothing new in Tobolsk. The Empress has been sick for the last ten days.
I cannot understand this strange silence of Goroshkin. Is he dead? If he is dead what happened to Marchenko? Are they both dead? Shall I consider myself in the game, or did the whole organization end; shall I continue on my own behalf? I have been thinking, and thinking about it, and have decided that I must continue my informative functions, and must wait as I have been told.
My task was to go to Tumen in disguise, meet some people there, and through Goroshkin communicate with Marchenko. My instructions included.... Goroshkin brought me a passport of Mr. Andrei Andreivich Vysotsky I should address myself. "Your Excellency understands that nobody assumes any responsibility for your safety.