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Updated: June 7, 2025
'Tell me, what means this mighty armament, continued His Royal Highness from the balcony, 'and whither march my Paflagonians? Hedzoff's head fell. 'My Lord, he said, 'we march as the allies of great Padella, Crim Tartary's monarch. 'Crim Tartary's usurper, gallant Hedzoff! Crim Tartary's grim tyrant, honest Hedzoff! said the Prince, on the balcony, quite sarcastically.
"Ha!" exclaimed the King, "by my fay, 'tis Elephant and Castle, pursuivant of my brother of Paflagonia; and the Knight, an my memory serves me, is the gallant Captain Hedzoff! What news from Paflagonia, gallant Hedzoff? Elephant and Castle, beshrew me, thy trumpeting must have made thee thirsty. What will my trusty herald like to drink?"
'I don't understand you, says Hedzoff, who was not a very clever man. 'You Gaby! he didn't say WHICH Prince, says Gruffanuff. 'No; he didn't say which, certainly, said Hedzoff. 'Well then, take Bulbo, and hang HIM! When Captain Hedzoff heard this, he began to dance about for joy. 'Obedience is a soldier's honour, says he.
It was agreed they should be married as soon as they reached the capital, and orders were dispatched to the Archbishop of Blombodinga, to hold himself in readiness to perform the interesting ceremony. Duke Hedzoff carried the message, and gave instructions to have the Royal Castle splendidly refurnished and painted afresh.
If I'm fast, why, there is just the possibility of saving Prince Bulbo. It's a doosid awkward mistake, and upon my word, Hedzoff, I have the greatest mind to have you hanged too. 'Sire, I did but my duty; a soldier has but his orders. I didn't expect after forty-seven years of faithful service that my sovereign would think of putting me to a felon's death! 'A hundred thousand plagues upon you!
His Majesty's agitation was not appeased by the news that was brought by his ambassador. 'The brutal ruthless ruffian royal wretch! Giglio exclaimed. 'As England's poesy has well remarked, "The man that lays his hand upon a woman, save in the way of kindness, is a villain." Ha, Hedzoff! 'That he is, your Majesty, said the attendant.
"Hedzoff," he said, taking a death-warrant out of his dressing-gown pocket, "Hedzoff, good Hedzoff, seize upon the Prince. Thou'lt find him in his chamber two pair up. But now he dared, with sacrilegious hand, to strike the sacred night-cap of a king Hedzoff, and floor me with a warming-pan! Away, no more demur, the villain dies! See it be done, or else, h'm ha! h'm! mind thine own eyes!"
Reining up his charger in a most elegant manner close under the King's balcony, Hedzoff turned to the Herald, and bade him begin. Elephant and Castle, dropping his trumpet over his shoulder, took a large sheet of paper out of his hat, and began to read: "O Yes! O Yes! O Yes!
Here is His Majesty's letter in autograph, and here is his glove, and if any gentleman of Crim Tartary chooses to find fault with His Majesty's expressions, I, Tuffskin Hedzoff, Captain of the Guard, am very much at his service, and he waved his lance, and looked at the assembly all round.
The guards saluted her with peculiar respect. Captain Hedzoff, in the anteroom, said, 'My dear madam, you look like an angel today. And so, bowing and smirking, Gruffanuff went in and took her place behind her Royal Master and Mistress, who were in the throne-room, awaiting the Prince of Crim Tartary.
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