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No man 'll kiss me, Hinnissy, an' live. What's that ye say? He wudden't want to? Well, niver mind. "'Here, says I, 'mong colonel, what d'ye want with me? "'What d'ye know about this case, mong bar-tinder. "'Nawthin', says I. 'But I know as much as annywan else.
"No," said the philosopher, "I niver did; an' it's always been more thin sthrange to me that annywan shud come back afther he'd been stuck in a crate five feet deep, with a ton iv mud upon him. 'Tis onplisint iv thim, annyhow, not to say ongrateful.
We dhrop a letter here an' there, except th' haitches, we niver dhrop thim, but we're th' same breed iv fightin' men. Georgy has th' thraits iv th' fam'ly. Me uncle Mike, that was a handy man, was tol' wanst he'd be sint to hell f'r his manny sins, an' he desarved it; f'r, lavin' out th' wan sin iv runnin' away fr'm annywan, he was booked f'r ivrything from murdher to missin' mass.
Th' best amachoor ball team is beat be a bad profissional team; a profissional boxer that thrains on bock beer an' Swiss cheese can lam the head off a goold medal amachoor champeen that's been atin' moldy bread an' dhrinkin' wather f'r six months, an' th' Dago that blows th' cornet on th' sthreet f'r what annywan 'll throw him can cut the figure eight around Dinnis Finn, that's been takin' lessons f'r twinty year.
'But I've med up me mind not to lave annywan talk to me about Dewey, I says, 'unless, I says, 'he subscribed th' maximum amount iv th' subscription, I says, 'thirty-eight cints, I says. 'So I'll thank ye to tip-toe out, I says, 'befure I give ye a correct imitation iv Dewey an' Mountjoy at th' battle of Manila, I says. An' he wint away."
He put his tinints out in th' cold without mercy, he kicked blind beggars fr'm th' dure, an' on his dyin'-bed he come as near bein' left be raison iv his thryin' to bargain with th' good man f'r th' rayqueems as annywan ye iver see.
'I'm old, he say, 'an' not good-lookin', he says, 'an' me clothes don't fit an' they may be marks iv food on me vest, he says, 'but I'm not more thin half crazy an' annytime ye find me givin' annywan a chanst to vote me into a job dhrivin' a mule an' put in an English prisidint iv this ray-public, he says, 'ye may conclude that ye'er Uncle Paul needs a guarjeen! he says.
I cud dance with th' best iv thim, me voice was that sthrong 'twas impossible to hear annywan else whin I sung 'Th' Pretty Maid Milkin' th' Cow, an' I was dhressed to kill on Sundahs. 'Twas thin I bought th' hat ye see me wear at th' picnic.
Boys ar-re ye with me?" "That's at wan colledge-Th' Colledge iv Speechless Thought. Thin there's th' Colledge iv Thoughtless Speech, where th' la-ad is larned that th' best thing that can happen to annywan is to be prisident iv a railroad consolidation. Th' head iv this colledge believes in thrainin' young men f'r th' civic ideel, Father Kelly tells me.
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