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Updated: May 23, 2025
I remembered a certain Joseph Finsbury who delighted the Tregonwell Arms on the borders of the New Forest with nine' it should have been ten 'versions of a single income of two hundred pounds' placing the imaginary person in but I could not recall the list of towns further than 'London, Paris, Bagdad, and Spitsbergen. This last I must have murmured aloud, for the Agent-General suddenly became human and went on: 'Bussorah, Heligoland, and the Scilly Islands
'What is the trouble now? I asked, for the last time we had met, Penfentenyou was floating a three-million pound loan for his beloved but unscrupulous Province, and I did not wish to entertain any more of his financial friends. 'We, Penfentenyou replied ambassadorially, 'have come to have a Voice in Your Councils. By the way, the Voice is coming down on the evening train with my Agent-General.
They'd probably mislaid the papers," I said, and I told him the story of a three-million pound insurrection caused by a deputy Under-Secretary sitting upon a mass of green-labelled correspondence instead of reading it. "I wonder it doesn't happen every week," the answered. "D'you mind my having the Agent-General to dinner again tonight? I'll wire, and he can motor down."
Chiefly, though, they talked with the Head, who was father-confessor and agent-general to them all; for what they shouted in their unthinking youth, they proved in their thoughtless manhood to wit, that the Prooshan Bates was "a downy bird."
'It's a hired one, Penfentenyou objected. 'Yes. Paid for by me as a taxpayer, I replied. 'And yours has a top, and the weather looks thundery, said the Agent-General. 'Ours hasn't a wind-screen. Even our goggles were hired. 'I'll lend you goggles, I said. 'My car is under repairs. The hireling who had looked to be returned to London spat and growled on the drive.
I am not inclined to repeat the scolding which, it is understood, my zealous friend, Sir Francis Bell, Agent-General for New Zealand, under his high sense of duty, administered to the brilliant author of "Oceana" for this sole dark spot of his book. I see no sufficient cause.
Lingnam changed gears, and she hoisted herself up to a joyous Youp-i-addy-i-ay! from the steam-organ. As we topped the arch we saw a Foresters' band with banners marching down the street. 'That's all very fine, said the Agent-General, 'but in real life things have a knack of happening without approaching We dipped over the bridge into the village.
Amongst other various, and no doubt useful, functions, Miss Delia Wall performed that of gossip and news agent-general to the village of Inkston. A hard-featured, swarthy spinster of forty, with a roving, inquisitive, yet not unkindly eye, she perambulated or rather percycled the district, taking stock of every incident.
To go back, even ten years 'I've got it, cried the Agent-General. "Brighton, Cincinnati, and Nijni-Novgorod!" God bless R.L.S.! Go on, Uncle Joseph. I can endure much now. Mr. Lingnam went on like our shandrydan, slowly and loudly.
But Mr. Lingnam only talked. He talked we all sat together behind so that we could not escape him and he talked above the worn gears and a certain maddening swish of one badly patched tire and he talked of the Federation of the Empire against all conceivable dangers except himself. Yet I was neither brutally rude like Penfentenyou, nor swooningly bored like the Agent-General.
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