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Updated: May 12, 2025
The learned suspected Scroderus of an indecent sophism in this and Prignitz cried out aloud in the dispute, that Scroderus had shifted the idea upon him but Scroderus went on, maintaining his thesis.
Now Ambrose Paraeus convinced my father, that the true and efficient cause of what had engaged so much the attention of the world, and upon which Prignitz and Scroderus had wasted so much learning and fine parts was neither this nor that but that the length and goodness of the nose was owing simply to the softness and flaccidity in the nurse's breast as the flatness and shortness of puisne noses was to the firmness and elastic repulsion of the same organ of nutrition in the hale and lively which, tho' happy for the woman, was the undoing of the child, inasmuch as his nose was so snubb'd, so rebuff'd, so rebated, and so refrigerated thereby, as never to arrive ad mensuram suam legitimam; but that in case of the flaccidity and softness of the nurse or mother's breast by sinking into it, quoth Paraeus, as into so much butter, the nose was comforted, nourish'd, plump'd up, refresh'd, refocillated, and set a growing for ever.
And, secondly, that besides the systems of Prignitz and Scroderus, which Ambrose Paraeus his hypothesis effectually overthrew it overthrew at the same time the system of peace and harmony of our family; and for three days together, not only embroiled matters between my father and my mother, but turn'd likewise the whole house and every thing in it, except my uncle Toby, quite upside down.
Now it happened then, as indeed it had often done before, that my uncle Toby's fancy, during the time of my father's explanation of Prignitz to him having nothing to stay it there, had taken a short flight to the bowling-green; his body might as well have taken a turn there too so that with all the semblance of a deep school-man intent upon the medius terminus my uncle Toby was in fact as ignorant of the whole lecture, and all its pros and cons, as if my father had been translating Hafen Slawkenbergius from the Latin tongue into the Cherokee.
Take notice, I go no farther with the simile my father's eye was greater than his appetite his zeal greater than his knowledge he cool'd his affections became divided he got hold of Prignitz purchased Scroderus, Andrea Paraeus, Bouchet's Evening Conferences, and above all, the great and learned Hafen Slawkenbergius; of which, as I shall have much to say by-and-bye I will say nothing now.
Of all the perplexities a mortal author was ever seen in this certainly is the greatest, for I have Hafen Slawkenbergius's folio, Sir, to finish a dialogue between my father and my uncle Toby, upon the solution of Prignitz, Scroderus, Ambrose Paraeus, Panocrates, and Grangousier to relate a tale out of Slawkenbergius to translate, and all this in five minutes less than no time at all; such a head! would to Heaven my enemies only saw the inside of it!
My father was just balancing within himself, which of the two sides he should take in this affair; when Ambrose Paraeus decided it in a moment, and by overthrowing the systems, both of Prignitz and Scroderus, drove my father out of both sides of the controversy at once. Be witness I don't acquaint the learned reader in saying it, I mention it only to shew the learned, I know the fact myself
Whether they were above my uncle Toby's reason or contrary to it or that his brain was like damp timber, and no spark could possibly take hold or that it was so full of saps, mines, blinds, curtins, and such military disqualifications to his seeing clearly into Prignitz and Scroderus's doctrines I say not let schoolmen scullions, anatomists, and engineers, fight for it among themselves
My uncle Toby would give my father all possible fair play in this attempt; and with infinite patience would sit smoking his pipe for whole hours together, whilst my father was practising upon his head, and trying every accessible avenue to drive Prignitz and Scroderus's solutions into it.
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