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Updated: June 26, 2025
Why, to change my metafor a little about the bigness of this buildin', so's to let foreign nations git a little clearer idee of the size on't, I will state This one house is bigger than all those of Jonesville, and Loontown, and Shackville, and Zoar. It is the biggest house on this planet.
I don't spose this will be believed by lots of folks in Jonesville and Loontown, but it is the truth, for I see it with both my eyes. Josiah riz right up in the buggy and cheered jest as the rest of 'em did, entirely unbeknown to himself, so he said, to see it a goin' on. Why he got nearly rampant with excitement.
Sez I, "In that very meetin' house to Loontown, there are mothers who have to set and take the bread and wine tokens of the blood and body of their crucified Redeemer from a man's hands that they know are red with the blood of their own sons. Fur redder than human blood and deeper-stained with the ruin of their immortal souls.
The miller at Loontown wuz down to the Jonesville mill to get the loan of some bags, and Josiah happened to be there to mill that day, and heerd all about it. Cephas had got the monument, and the ornaments on it cost fur more than he expected. There wuz a wreath a-runnin' round it clear from the bottom to the top, and verses a kinder runnin' up it at the same time. And it cost fearful.
Miss Timson's letter wuz writ to me on the 6th day of his sickness, and Josiah and me set sail for Loontown on the follerin' day after we got it. I laid the case before the female Sisters of the meetin' house, and they all counselled me to go.
But owin' to Ernest White's labors and prayers and votes, his and all other good ministers and earnest helpers, Jonesville went no-license now jest as Loontown did last year. And jest as Satan always duz if he gits holt of souls that he can't buy or skair, he will try to cheat 'em, he is so suttle.
The Inside Inn we found wuz a buildin' as big as the hull of our neighborhood and I d'no but part of Loontown and Zoar, it wuz immense. And everywhere you'd look you would see this sign pasted up: "Pay In Advance! Pay In Advance!"
High and clear this believin' song floated through our souls and up to Heaven. Then a good lookin' young man arose and sez, "Did you ever hear of the drunken horse jockey and thief down to Loontown? Well, I'm that man clothed and in my right mind. The Lord stopped me in my evil course, and I am His and He is mine." A bystander sez, "That is so, he is a changed man."
And there wuz a shirt of old Peter Stuyvesent's and a baby dress of De Witt Clinton's. I never mistrusted that he wuz ever a baby till I seen that dress. I'd always thought on him as the first Governor of New York. And speakin' of babys why, I wuz jest a-lookin' at that dress when I met Miss Job Presley, of Loontown. And I sez, almost the first thing, "Where is your baby?"
"I wanted to thank him who is gone for this great and noble work; and as he has passed on beyend this world's praise, or blame, I want to tell you about it, seein' that you're at the head of the family. "I speak," sez I, "in the name of Jonesville!" "Whose name?" sez he. And I sez, "My own native land, Jonesville, nigh to Loontown, seven milds from Zoar." "Oh!" sez he.
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