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Updated: May 5, 2025
Never again will I attempt to select "echt Amerikanische" clothes for a woman who must not weary her young husband. But how was I to know that the harmless little shopping expedition would resolve itself into a domestic tragedy, with Herr Nirlanger as the villain, Frau Nirlanger as the persecuted heroine, and I as what is it in tragedy that corresponds to the innocent bystander in real life?
"Oor Toon Cooncil's juist like this Ralph the Rover, gaen awa' scoorin' the sea for nae end for the sea's no' needin' scoorin' when he michta been at hame helpin' his wife to ca' the washin'-machine. It's usef'u' wark we want. Neen o' your Bailie Thingymabob's capers, wi' his donkey engines, eksettera. Echt thoosand pound for a noo kirkyaird! Did ye ever hear the like!
"Soo-o-o, she asks me was it some lady who would come with her by the stores to help a hat and suit and dresses to buy. Stylish she likes they should be, and echt Amerikanisch. So-o-o-o, I say to her, I would go myself with you, only so awful stylish I ain't, and anyway I got no time. But a lady I know who is got such stylish clothes!" Frau Knapf raised admiring hands and eyes toward heaven.
"He must not see that she looks different as the ladies in this country. So Frau Nirlanger wants she should buy here in the stores new dresses echt Amerikanische. All new and beautiful things she would have, because she must look young, ain't it? And perhaps her boy will remember her when he is a fine young man, if she is yet young when he grows up, you see? And too, there is the young husband.
He garred it rattle like the thunder at Hewy White's theatre; then he yawled, an' hooed, an' growled like five hunder cats an' as mony dogs wirryin' them, an' a' the fowk 'at echt them fechtin' at the same time. This feenisht up wi' a terrific yawl; an' Sandy dived doon in ablo the claes. "Ye fear'd nowt," says I, "what are ye fleein' awa' doon there for?
Today comes Frau Nirlanger by me and she says: 'Frau Knapf, I wish to buy clothes, aber echt Amerikanische. Myself, I do not know what is modish, and I cannot go alone to buy." "That's a grand idea," said I, recalling the gray basque and the cannon-ball beads. "Ja, sure it is," agreed Frau Knapf.
"Echt Deutsch," he whispered in German "and ZERO-TWO-SIX. A good hint to you!" "Waidman's Heil!" said the girl faintly. "O God! what a fright you gave me.... There's a man at Delle we were warned Seventy is his number, Recklow a devil Yankee " "A swine! a fathead, sleeping all day in his garden, too drunk to open despatches!" sneered Recklow. "We were warned against him," she insisted.
The German text books that came in Gard's way proved the national craze for what was Deutsch, echt Deutsch, to the exclusion of what was not. It was almost a ferocity of inbreeding instruction. It created the furor Teutonicus. The Hohenzollerns used education as a prod to madden the Germans.
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