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Updated: May 2, 2025
Had it come to this, that the Vicar of Chuntsey must pretend to be mad or drunk? It had come to this. "I walked along with the rest up the deserted road, imitating and keeping pace, as far as I could, with their rapid and yet lady-like step, until at length I saw a lamp-post and a policeman standing under it. I had made up my mind.
"'I'm all righ'. Cutchy, cutchy, coo! remarked, to his eternal shame, the Vicar of Chuntsey. "'Look here, ladies, said the constable sternly, 'I don't like the eccentricity of your friend, and I don't like 'er songs, or 'er 'ead in my stomach. And now I come to think of it, I don't like the looks of you I've seen many as quiet dressed as you as was wrong 'uns. Who are you?
"It's really very simple, Mr Swinburne," began he who had once been the Rev. Ellis Shorter, of Chuntsey, in Essex; and it gave me a shock indescribable to hear out of that pompous and familiar form come no longer its own pompous and familiar voice, but the brisk sharp tones of a young city man. "It is really nothing very important. And Captain Fraser " and with that he hesitated and smiled.
In five minutes, sir, the Vicar of Chuntsey was dressed as an old woman as somebody else's mother, if you please and was dragged out of the house to take part in a crime. "It was already late in the afternoon, and the nights of winter were closing in fast.
A shade crossed the brow of the temporary incumbent of Chuntsey, in Essex. "That may have been a mistake, sir," he said. "But it was not our fault. It was all the munificence of Captain Fraser. He requested that the highest price and talent on our tariff should be employed to detain you gentlemen.
It was all clear at last: they were criminals dressed up as women, to kidnap me! To kidnap the Vicar of Chuntsey, in Essex. But why? Was it to be Nonconformists? "The brute leaning against the door called out carelessly, ''Urry up, 'Arry. Show the old bloke what the game is, and let's get off. "'Curse 'is eyes, said Miss Brett I mean the man with the revolver 'why should we show 'im the game?
As Vicar of Chuntsey, in Essex' he threw this in with an indescribable airiness of vanity 'I have never known such things happen." "What things happen?" I asked. He straightened himself with sudden dignity. "As Vicar of Chuntsey, in Essex," he said, "I have never been forcibly dressed up as an old woman and made to take part in a crime in the character of an old woman. Never once.
And now I began to perceive something else, which added the last half-witted touch to my mystification. The Rev. Ellis Shorter, of Chuntsey, in Essex, was by no means behaving as I had previously noticed him to behave, or as, considering his age and station, I should have expected him to behave.
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