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Updated: May 12, 2025
It was a far more civilized proceeding, according to his ideas, to sit there talking soft nonsense to handsome striplings and posing the company with quibbles, than to cross spears with a grown Spartan. Tyc. Well, I have heard these stories before, and from people who had no satirical intent. So I acquit you of slandering them by way of magnifying your own profession.
Why, if his food is provided out of his own means, that way of life has many consequences; reckon them up. You will admit that, if the principle of your life is to be pleasure, all your appetites have to be satisfied? Tyc. I agree. Si.
Getting your dinner at some one else's expense. Si. Dining out, in fact? Tyc. Yes. Si. And we may call a sponger an out-diner? Tyc. The gravamen's in that; he should dine at home. Si. A few more answers, please. Of these pairs, which do you consider the best? Which would you take, if you had the choice?-To sail, or to out-sail? Tyc. The latter. Si. To run or out-run? Tyc. The latter. Si.
Our Epicurus, whoever his Wisdom may be, either is, or is not, supplied with victuals. If he is not, so far from having a pleasurable life, he will have no life at all. If he is, does he get them out of his own means, or from some one else? If the latter, he is a sponger, and not what he says he is; if the former, he will not have a pleasurable life. Tyc. How so? Si.
Who would dare attempt such a thing, with him tasting your food and drink? So he brings you not only credit, but insurance. His affection is such that he will run all risks; he would never leave his patron to face the dangers of the table alone; no, he would rather eat and die with him. Tyc. You have stated your case without missing a point, Simon.
Yes, you have proved him a good man; but can you show him to have been not Achilles's friend, but a sponger? Si. I will produce you his own statement to that effect. Tyc. What a miracle-worker you are! Si. Listen to the lines, then: Achilles, lay my bones not far from thine; Thou and thine fed me; let me lie by thee.
Well, well, your taste in titles concerns me very little. Come now to the next absurdity. Si. Which is ? Tyc. The getting it entered on the list of arts. When any one asks what the art is, how do we describe it? Letters we know, Medicine we know; Sponging? Si. My own opinion is, that it has an exceptionally good right to the name of art.
Do not tell me you were unprepared again; you have been trained in a good school, man. But one thing more I should like to know. There is a nasty sound about the word sponger, don't you think? Si. See whether I have a satisfactory answer to that. Oblige me by giving what you consider the right answers to my questions. Sponging is an old word; what does it really mean? Tyc.
Well, the sponger does that; why is he privileged to offend? Si. Ah, I know nothing about that. But now look here: you know how common and mean are the beginnings of the other arts; that of sponging, on the contrary, is noble. Friendship, that theme of the encomiast, is neither more nor less, you will find, than the beginning of sponging. Tyc. How do you make that out? Si.
And I fancy this will about do: Sponging is the art of eating and drinking, and of the talk by which these may be secured; its end is Pleasure. Tyc. A very good definition, I think. But I warn you that your end will bring you into conflict with some of the philosophers. St. Ah well, if sponging agrees with Happiness about the end, we may be content. And that it does I will soon show you.
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