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Th' on'y man ye need to be afraid iv is th' man that's afraid iv ye. An' that's what makes a tyrant. He's scared to death. If I'd thought about it whin I r-read iv me frind murdherin' people I'd've known they'd find him thremblin' in a room an' shootin' at th' hired girl whin she come in with his porridge. So I'm glad afther all that I didn't put in me application. I want no man to fear me.
In th' old days all ye knew about a ship was that she left Liverpool and landed in New York afther a most disthressin' v'yage. Now ye r-read iv th' gay life aboord her fr'm day to day: 'Th' tie in th' billyard tournymint was played off last night. Th' resthrants are crowded nightly an' great throngs are seen in Main Sthreet undher th' brilliant illuminations.
"C-come and read to me won't you come and read?" "Of course I will!" "C-call to mind the first book you read to me, Cynthy?" "It was 'Robinson Crusoe," she said. "'R-Robinson Crusoe. Often thought of that book. Know some of it by heart. R-read it again, sometime, Cynthy?" She looked up at him a little anxiously. His eyes were on the great hill opposite, across Coniston Water.
'Now, how does th' sentence r-read? 'Th' next day was four o'clock in Janooary an' supposin' th' amount iv money, an' supposin' ye haven't got a very large salary holdin' th' chair iv conniption fits at th' college, an' supposin' ye don't get a cent onless ye answer r-right, I ask ye, on th' night in question whin th' pris'ner grabbed th' clock, was he or was he not funny at th' roof? 'I objict to th' form iv question, says th' State's attorney.
Ye'll r-read in th' pa-apers that 'Anton Boozinski, while crazed with ham an' eggs thried to kill his wife an' childher. On Pathrick's day ye'll see th' Dr.
I will r-read it standin' on me head whin I get home where I can pin down me overskirt; thin I'll r-read it in a lookin' glass; thin I'll saw it into sthrips an' r-run it through a wringer an' lave it stand in a tub iv bluein', an' whin its properly starched I'll find out what it says.
Did ye r-read it? he says. 'I did, says I. 'What did ye think iv it? says he. 'I know, says I, 'why more people don't go to church, says I." "I see," said Mr. Hennessy, "that Dewey is a candydate f'r prisidint." "Well, sir" said Mr. Dooley, "I hope to hiven he won't get it. No rilitive iv mine iver held a pollytical job barrin' mesilf.
At last accounts th' followin' dispatches had been received: 'To Willum McKinley: Congratulations on ye'er noble victhry. Ar-re ye much hur-rted? "Where did ye hear all this?" asked Mr. Hennessy, in great amazement. "I r-read it," said Mr. Dooley, impressively, "in the Staats Zeitung." "I usen't to know," said Mr. Dooley, "what me frind Gin'ral Sherman meant whin he said that thing about war.
"I'm no such thing," said Mr. Hennessy, hotly. "I've been a Dimmycrat f'r thirty year." "Well, annyhow," said Mr. Dooley, "don't speak disrayspictful iv th' ar-rmy. Lave me r-read you Terry's letter fr'm th' fr-ront. 'M m: In th' trinches, two miles fr'm Sandago, with a land crab as big as a lobster crawlin' up me back be way iv Kingston, June 6, Dear Uncle Martin. That's th' way it begins.
We'd all perish iv humilyation if th' gr-reat men iv th' wurruld didn't have nachral low-down thraits. If they don't happen to possess thim, we make some up f'r thim. We allow no man to tower over us. Wan way or another we level th' wurruld to our own height. If we can't reach th' hero's head we cut off his legs. It always makes me feel aisier about mesilf whin I r-read how bad Julius Cayzar was.
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