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Updated: June 5, 2025
After weekly Centre meetings, Atmananda often cooked for the nearly one hundred Chinmoy disciples. It was a joy to watch him sing and dance around the kitchen, adding spice to our lives and to the simmering vats of Indian curry. On occasion, he asked Cheryl to cook for the Centre. He loved the way her eggplant parmigiano patties tasted.
About thirty minutes after the talk was scheduled to begin, Atmananda strode through the door. He wore a light brown suit. "Anne," he said, "did you bring the Transcendental?" The sari-clad woman who had sold incense at the last lecture placed a frame on the table beside Atmananda. The Transcendental was a photograph of Atmananda's Indian guru, Chinmoy.
I saw swirling dots before me whether I was meditating or not. I found myself realizing that Atmananda had studied meditation in past lives. I found myself realizing that he was an advanced disciple of the Guru. I found myself feeling bad that I had doubted so advanced a soul, so educated a man, and so close a friend.
"As the soul evolves, it transcends desire and attachment, which is the root of all suffering. Finally, enlightenment occurs." Unaware that he was borrowing Hindu and Buddhist doctrine, and intrigued but not convinced that in a future life I would attain enlightenment, I kept one eye on Atmananda and the other on Anne. "Everything can be classified according to its level of spiritual evolution.
One time I lay in bed thinking about One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, a book Atmananda had recommended to me. At first I thought about the similarities between Atmananda and R. P. McMurphy, the novel's free-spirited protagonist. Both men, I realized, exuded auras of self-confidence. Atmananda, for instance, had once offered to teach me the secret of attracting women.
"You can then donate the extra amount to a worthy cause," he pointed out. "To a genuine spiritual centre, for instance." It was no coincidence that the Centre's finances improved significantly after banks issued checks for guaranteed student loans. Atmananda had another idea. "Accepting money from your parents is the spiritual thing to do. Why not give your parents the opportunity to help?
Atmananda turned toward me, as if in response to my newest doubt, and said, "An enlightened teacher can take a person through thousands of lives in just one lifetime." "What's the rush?" I thought. "The sooner you attain enlightenment, the sooner you can help others transcend this world of pain and suffering." "How did he do that?"
Atmananda failed to appreciate that my doubt-blocking efforts were largely successful, except for the time that I spent with him. It was then that I saw him not as a divine incarnation with a bright golden aura, but rather as an opportunistic Ph.D. with smooth social skills.
I even thought of asking my parents, but did not want to rely on two lobsters sporting bow ties. So I tried to assess the situation on my own. I recalled some of the good times I had had with Atmananda. I also recalled Atmananda admitting to me, months before, that he wanted some day to be a guru. I saw him as a genuine seeker on the path to Truth.
"Mark has been studying advanced meditation techniques with us for over a year. But you don't have to be advanced to have mystical experiences. Who besides Mark got zapped?" A few raised their hands. "I think you all got so blasted," Atmananda said, "that you don't know what hit you." After the talk, many of the people came forward with questions.
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