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Updated: June 20, 2025
If ye knew annything, ye'd not have an opinyon wan way or th' other. They'se niver been a matther come up in my time that th' American people was so sure about as they ar-re about th' Dhryfliss case. Th' Frinch ar-re not so sure, but they'se not a polisman in this counthry that can't tell ye jus' where Dhry-russ was whin th' remains iv th' poor girl was found. That's because th' thrile was secret.
"I undherstand," said Mr. Dooley, "that they're goin' to dhramatize Shakespere whin th' dhramatizer gets through with th' 'Report iv th' Cinsus Department f'r 1899-1900." "I wisht th' campaign was over," said Mr. Dooley. "I wisht it'd begin," said Mr. Hennessy. "I niver knew annything so dead.
"Then I wouldn't," said Francis recklessly. "Oh, Mother O'Mara, I've been such a brute " "Hush, hush now, don't ye be tellin' me. Sure we're all brutes wanst in awhile. Ye feel that way because the child's sick. Now go out and watch fer the doctor, or do annything else that'll amuse ye." He obeyed her as if he were a little boy.
'Did ye inlist in th' army, brave man? says Pat. 'I swore him over age, says I. 'Was ye dhrafted in? says th' little man. 'No, says O'Toole. 'Him an' me was in th' same cellar, says I. 'Did ye iver hear iv Ree-saca, 'r Vicksburg, 'r Lookout Mountain? th' little man wint on. 'Did anny man iver shoot at ye with annything but a siltzer bottle?
'If ye think, he says, 'that we come over, he says, 'to engage in a six days' go-as-you-please walkin' match, he says, 'ye'd betther go an' have ye'er head looked into, he says. 'Have ye anny British around here? Have ye e'er a Sassenach concealed about ye'er clothes? he says. 'We can't do annything if they won't stand f'r us, says Dorney.
Their theery is that annything th' rich do that ye want to do an' don't do is looney. As between two men with money, th' wan with most money is craziest. If ye want a diploma f'r sanity, Hinnissy, th' on'y chance ye have iv gettin' it is to commit a crime an' file an invintory iv ye'er estate with th' coort.
'No, sir, he says, 'we must not tax annything that enters into th' daily life iv th' poor, he says. 'While not a dhrinkin' man mesilf, I am no bigot, an' I wud not deny anny artisan his scuttle iv pulu, he says. So pulu was put on th' free list, an' iv coorse Zapper an' Alazarin had to go on, too, as it is on'y be addin' thim to pulu that ye can make axle-grease.
He's predicted ivry war that has happened in our time and eight thousand that haven't happened to happen. If he had his way th' United States navy wud be so big that there wudden't be room f'r a young fellow to row his girl in Union Park. He can see a war cloud where I can't see annything but somebody cookin' his dinner or lightin' his pipe.
Ye niver know whin they're goin' to take place or what they'll be about. Profissor Eliot may pass ye on'y to have Profissor Hinnissy turn ye down. But there's wan sure thing ye'll be grajiated. Ye'll get th' usual diploma. Ye'll grajiate not because iv annything ye've done, but because ye'er room is needed. 'I like th' old place, says ye. 'An' I'm just beginnin' to larn, says ye.
'But, he says, 'I'm an old man! he says. 'I was ilicted young an' I niver done annything since, he says. 'I wudden't know what to do without it, he says. 'What ye propose is to make an ex- prisidint iv me. D'ye think I cud stand that?
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