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Updated: September 4, 2025
Squeers reappeared, and the boys took their places and their books, and ranged themselves in front of the schoolmaster's desk. "This is the class in English spelling, and philosophy, Nickleby," said Squeers, beckoning Nicholas to stand beside him. "We'll get up a Latin one, and hand that over to you. Now, then, where's the first boy?"
'You lazy hounds? added Mrs Squeers, finishing the sentence, and producing, at the same time, a sharp sound, like that which is occasioned by the lacing of stays. 'We shall be down directly, sir, replied Nicholas. 'Down directly! said Squeers. 'Ah! you had better be down directly, or I'll be down upon some of you in less. Where's that Smike?
'The absence of a college degree IS an objection, replied Squeers, looking as grave as he could, and considerably puzzled, no less by the contrast between the simplicity of the nephew and the worldly manner of the uncle, than by the incomprehensible allusion to the young noblemen under his tuition. 'Look here, sir, said Ralph; 'I'll put this matter in its true light in two seconds.
'Only a matter of business, sir, said Ralph Nickleby, presenting himself, closely followed by Nicholas. 'There was an advertisement of yours in the papers this morning? 'There was, sir. This way, if you please, said Squeers, who had by this time got back to the box by the fire-place. 'Won't you be seated?
'You have been drinking, said Ralph, 'and have not yet slept yourself sober. 'I haven't been drinking YOUR health, my codger, replied Mr Squeers; 'so you have nothing to do with that. Ralph suppressed the indignation which the schoolmaster's altered and insolent manner awakened, and asked again why he had not sent to him. 'What should I get by sending to you? returned Squeers.
'Mrs Squeers intended to say 'foundling, but, as she frequently remarked when she made any such mistake, it would be all the same a hundred years hence; with which axiom of philosophy, indeed, she was in the constant habit of consoling the boys when they laboured under more than ordinary ill-usage.
The only difference between them was, that Mrs Squeers waged war against the enemy openly and fearlessly, and that Squeers covered his rascality, even at home, with a spice of his habitual deceit; as if he really had a notion of someday or other being able to take himself in, and persuade his own mind that he was a very good fellow.
'She DOES toss her head, observed Miss Squeers, with an air of abstraction. 'So vain, and so very very plain, said the girl. 'Poor 'Tilda! sighed Miss Squeers, compassionately. 'And always laying herself out so, to get to be admired, pursued the servant. 'Oh, dear! It's positive indelicate. 'I can't allow you to talk in that way, Phib, said Miss Squeers.
The rats, the lice that lived on the bodies of our men, the water-logged trenches, the shell-fire which broke down the parapets and buried men in wet mud, wetter for their blood, the German snipers waiting for English heads, and then the mines oh, a cheery little school of courage for the sons of gentlemen! A gentle academy of war for the devil and General Squeers!
Nicholas assisted his master to put on an old fustian shooting-jacket, which he took down from a peg in the passage; and Squeers, arming himself with his cane, led the way across a yard, to a door in the rear of the house. 'There, said the schoolmaster as they stepped in together; 'this is our shop, Nickleby!
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