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Updated: May 14, 2025
"Mis' Dutton," said Jasperson solemnly, "is now a-singing in the heavenly choir, an' bein' dead I can't say nothing; but, gen'lemen, ye'll understand me when I tell ye that Miss Birdie never got her fine looks from her maw. Not on your life!"
Miss Dutton sent the convert a bulky package of tracts, with certain scathing passages marked obviously for our benefit in red ink; and we learned from Alethea-Belle that the initiation of Jasper Jasperson was to be made an occasion of much rejoicing, and that an immense attendance was expected at Corona Lodge.
"I dun'no'," he faltered at last. "By golly! I dun'no'." "Then I do know," replied my brother incisively: "you've betrayed yourself, Jasperson. You're playing the worm. D'you hear? The worm! I once advised you to wiggle up to the bird, now I tell you solemnly to wiggle away, before it's too late. I've been a fool, and so have you.
"It's pizon," said Jasperson, "jest pizon." "You, Jasperson, need a violent stimulant. On Tuesday afternoon, my boy, you and I will go on a mild spree. I don't like sprees any more than you do, but I see no other way of cutting this knot. Now, mark me, not a word to Miss Dutton. It's late, so good-night." Between May-day and the following Tuesday but little transpired worth recording.
I reflected, not without satisfaction, that I had done what I could to keep Jasperson and the Grand Secretary apart. "This is very serious," said Ajax, after a significant pause. "I I feel, Jasperson, that this engagement was brought about by me." "It's a fact," assented our hired man. "And that's what makes me feel so mean right now. Boys, I love that woman so that I dassn't go agin her."
That's what ails Jasper Jasperson. The girls," he cried scornfully; "you bet they know a soft snap when they see it, and I am a soft snap, an' don't you forget it! "I left my own land," he continued dreamily, in a soft, melancholy voice, "because there ain't a lady within fifteen miles o' my barn, and here there's a village, and "
"As how?" said Jasperson, breathlessly. "I told ye that when she was around I felt like a worm." "You spoke of wiggling," replied my brother; "and I suppose that heretofore you have wiggled from and not to the bird. Next time, wiggle up, my boy as close as possible."
Within two minutes, pens, ink and paper were produced, and both Jasperson and my brother were hard at work. Between them the following composition was produced. Jasperson furnished the manner, Ajax the matter. "To Miss Birdie Dutton.
Upon Tuesday afternoon I deemed it expedient to remain at the ranch- house. About five, Jasperson, arrayed in his best, accompanied Ajax to the village. The lodge was to open its doors at 7.30; and at ten my brother returned alone, breathless and red in the face, the bearer of extraordinary tidings. I shall let him tell the story in his own words.
Upon this Ajax assured our friend that he need not despair, and he said that the vexed question of the fair's appetite had been set at rest: a happy certainty was the sauce that had whetted her hunger. Jasperson listened with sparkling eyes. "Say," said he; "if you'll help me out, I'll write a letter to Miss Birdie this very night." I frowned and expostulated in vain.
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