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Updated: June 3, 2025
Will you oblige me, Mr Flosky, by giving me a plain answer to a plain question? It is impossible, my dear Miss O'Carroll. I never gave a plain answer to a question in my life. Do you, or do you not, know what is the matter with my cousin?
I assure you, Mr Flosky, I care no more about metaphysics than I do about the bank; and, if you will condescend to talk to a simple girl in intelligible terms Say not condescend! Know you not that you talk to the most humble of men, to one who has buckled on the armour of sanctity, and clothed himself with humility as with a garment?
When at Nightmare Abbey, he would condole with Mr Glowry, drink Madeira with Scythrop, crack jokes with Mr Hilary, hand Mrs Hilary to the piano, take charge of her fan and gloves, and turn over her music with surprising dexterity, quote Revelations with Mr Toobad, and lament the good old times of feudal darkness with the transcendental Mr Flosky.
My dear Miss O'Carroll, it would have given me great pleasure to have said any thing that would have given you pleasure; but if any person living could make report of having obtained any information on any subject from Ferdinando Flosky, my transcendental reputation would be ruined for ever.
As Fatout left the room, Mr Flosky entered, and curiously inspected the literary arrivals. Hatred revenge misanthropy and quotations from the Bible. Hm. This is the morbid anatomy of black bile. 'Paul Jones, a poem. Hm. I see how it is.
I composed five hundred lines in my sleep; so that, having had a dream of a ballad, I am now officiating as my own Peter Quince, and making a ballad of my dream, and it shall be called Bottom's Dream, because it has no bottom. I see, Mr Flosky, you think my intrusion unseasonable, and are inclined to punish it, by talking nonsense to me. Perhaps you are acquainted with the cause.
If the logical consecutiveness of this conclusion be not manifest to my readers, I am sorry for their dulness, and must refer them, for more ample elucidation, to a treatise which Mr Flosky intends to write, on the Categories of Relation, which comprehend Substance and Accident, Cause and Effect, Action and Re-action.
It was noon, and the sun was shining in full splendour, much to the annoyance of Mr Flosky, who had obviated the inconvenience by closing the shutters, and drawing the window-curtains. He was sitting at his table by the light of a solitary candle, with a pen in one hand, and a muffineer in the other, with which he occasionally sprinkled salt on the wick, to make it burn blue.
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