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Updated: May 15, 2025
Oh, isn't it fine that one does not dare to do all the things one feels like doing in society? There is only one way to get even with the too-accurate man, and that is, when he has finished his most exciting story, to say, "And then what happened next?" Accuracy is almost fatal to a flow of spirits.
Delectable as honesty is in a bank clerk, or would be in a lawyer, one yearns for a little less accuracy in the moral makeup of the too-accurate man; for a little of the celestial leaven of exaggeration in the dusty dryness of his dead-level garrulousness.
He hoards the most useless trifles until his mind is nothing but a garret filled with isolated bits of rubbish that nobody wants to hear, unless one has an essay to write; and even then it is easier to consult the encyclopaedia. I never believe a statement made by a too-accurate man one bit more quickly than one made by a genial, entertaining diner-out.
But, on the other hand, take a type of the talkative man, the literal, too-accurate man, who insists upon finishing his sentences, and who will stop to dot his i's and to cross his t's, and whose dates are of more moment than his soul's salvation can anything be done for him? "Avoid giving invitations to bores," says a clever woman, "they will come without." Alas, how true!
He strains at a gnat and swallows a camel. He is not more trustworthy than the man whose conversation is embellished with hyperbole, because he at least has the wit to discriminate, and the too-accurate man is only stupid.
If one is obliged to weigh one's words, one may live to be called a worthy old soul, but one will not be in demand at dinner-parties. The too-accurate man need not pride himself upon his honesty above his fellow-men. Oftenest he is to be found paying lithe of mint, anise, and cumin, and neglecting the weightier matters of the law justice, mercy, and truth.
The too-accurate man is ubiquitous. If you hear of him, and refuse to meet him, it is only to find that he has married your best friend, whom worlds could not bribe you to give up. If you weed him out of your acquaintance, it is only to realize that he was born into your relationship a generation ago, before you could prevent it. Sometimes he is your father, sometimes your brother.
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