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Updated: May 29, 2025
"And I dare say so are most of the monocles we see. A silly affectation, don't you think so?" He was instantly up in arms. The monocle was a British institution, and he would as soon have denied the divine right of kings as question an Englishman's right to wear what he pleased in his eye. "It was originally designed for a man whose left eye was weaker than the right.
Men quietly fell aside, making place for him, so that he stood with Beauvayse, in a clear half-circle of figures attired like his own, in Service browns and drabs and umbers, waiting until the three approaching feminine shapes should pass across the open space. One or two Staff monocles went up.
Sara approached in awe, and they stood gazing at the pale, supercilious-looking creatures, who returned their gaze through monocles, lorgnettes, and other contemptuous media. "You see," explained Pirlaps, "nobody speaks to them. Every time they go in or out, they pass through the strainer, and that strains out all of their red corpuscles and leaves only the blue.
These glared through their monocles when the Americans were announced and did not try to hide their annoyance.
Visiting Englishmen surveyed us through monocles and talked of the buses of the Strand and Regent Street. There was a French artist, a Baron Somebody-or-other, who afterwards wrote a book called 'New York as I Have Seen It. He had married an American girl, the daughter of a comedian at whose clever whimsicalities my passengers used to laugh uproariously.
The fact that they were on an English ship, bound for England, brought the monocles out of their concealment, as Hephzy said, "like hoptoads after the first spring thaw." Her amazed comments were unique. "But what good are they, Hosy?" she demanded. "Can they see with 'em?" "I suppose they can," I answered. "You can see better with your spectacles than you can without them." "Humph!
There is simply no end to the silly sides of their character. He came here a month ago on some legal business. He told me yesterday that he had always despised Englishmen. He's seen a few with stud-horse clothes and white spats and monocles on who had gone through Kansas to shoot in the Rocky Mountains. He couldn't understand 'em and he didn't like 'em. "So infernally uppish," said he.
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