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Updated: June 15, 2025
I ought to have said before, that both Brigadier Downright and myself had applied to be admitted of counsel for the accused, under an ancient law of Leaphigh, as next of kin; I as a fellow human being, and the brigadier by adoption.
While in Europe he outlined a satirical tale in which the men's parts should be seriously assumed by monkeys. An English baronet, Sir John Goldencalf, and a Yankee skipper, Captain Noah Poke, were made to travel together through the different parts of Monkeyland, called Leaphigh, Leaplow, and Leapthrough, representing England, America, and France.
His grace the most gracious father in God, wore a mantle of extraordinary fineness and beauty, the material of which was composed of every tenth hair taken from all the citizens of Leaphigh, who most cheerfully submitted to be shaved, in order that the wants of his most eminent humility might be decently supplied.
On my admitting that the captain was reluctant to be branded, he merely shrugged his shoulders, and observed that the exactions of the public were seldom agreeable, but that duty was duty, that the stamp act was peremptory, and not a foot of ours could touch Leaphigh until we were all checked off in this manner, in exact conformity with the registration.
Let his privileges come from what cause they would, Bob was glad enough to get out of the presence of Captain Poke who had already pretty plainly threatened, in the Stunin'tun dialect, to unship his cauda into that of the majesty of Leaphigh. A few minutes afterwards, the doors were thrown open, and the whole company advanced into the royal apartments.
Indeed, sir, at all the recent drawing-rooms I have received smiles of the most sincere and encouraging character, not only from the king, but from all his ministers, his first-cousin in particular; and I trust they will have the most beneficial effects on the questions at issue between the Kingdom of Leaphigh and our beloved country.
The philosopher cunningly expatiated on the pleasure there would be in reading a paper before the Academy of Leaphigh, on the subject of the captain's peculiar views touching the earth's annual revolution, and of the virtue of sailing planets, with their helms lashed hard aport, when all the dogmatical old navigator's scruples melted away like snow in a thaw.
Noah wore both head and tail erect, like another; and the lord high admiral of Leaphigh dropped into a familiar conversation with him, on the subject of ballasting ships, in just as friendly a manner as if he were on the best possible terms with the whole royal family.
It now appeared that, in Leaphigh, the merits of a law are decided on a principle very similar to the one we employ in England in judging of the quality of our wines, viz., its age. The older a law, the more it is to be respected, no doubt because, having proved its fitness by outlasting all the changes of society, it has become more mellow, if not more palatable.
"The treaty between our beloved North-Western Confederate Union and Leaphigh, has been dishonored in every one of its articles; nineteen Leaplow seamen have been forcibly impressed into a Leapthrough vessel of war; the king of Leapup has made an unequivocal demonstration with a very improper part of his person, at us; and the king of Leapover has caused seven of our ships to be seized and sold, and the money to be given to his mistress.
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