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Updated: June 21, 2025
‘And if I thought,’ continued the hostess with a most threatening air, ‘if I thought he was assisted by Mr. Tibbs—’ ‘One for his nob!’ said Gobler. ‘Oh,’ said Evenson, in a most soothing tone—he liked to make mischief—‘I should hope Mr. Tibbs was not in any way implicated. He always appeared to me very harmless.’ ‘I have generally found him so,’ sobbed poor little Mrs.
In a secluded retreat in Newington Butts, far, far removed from the noisy strife of that great boarding-house, the world, the enviable Gobler and his pleasing wife revel in retirement: happy in their complaints, their table, and their medicine, wafted through life by the grateful prayers of all the purveyors of animal food within three miles round.
‘The first thing to be done,’ continued the Hibernian, ‘is to poison Mr. Gobler’s mind.’ ‘Oh, certainly,’ returned Agnes. ‘What’s that?’ inquired Evenson again, in an agony of curiosity and a whisper. ‘He says she’s to mind and poison Mr. Gobler,’ replied Mrs. Tibbs, aghast at this sacrifice of human life. ‘And in regard of Mrs. Tibbs,’ continued O’Bleary.—Mrs. Tibbs shuddered.
Tibbs!’ called out Mrs. Bloss. ‘Mrs. ‘Oh, dear—dear!’ exclaimed the wretched partner of the depraved Tibbs. ‘She’s knocking at my door. We must be discovered! What will they think?’ ‘Mrs. Tibbs! Mrs. Tibbs!’ screamed the woodpecker again. ‘What’s the matter!’ shouted Gobler, bursting out of the back drawing-room, like the dragon at Astley’s. ‘Oh, Mr. Gobler!’ cried Mrs.
Tibbs, in her most amiable tone; for satisfactory references had ‘been given and required,’ and it was quite certain that the new-comer had plenty of money. ‘It’s rather singular,’ continued Mrs. Tibbs, with what was meant for a most bewitching smile, ‘that we have a gentleman now with us, who is in a very delicate state of health—a Mr. Gobler.—His apartment is the back drawing-room.’
‘Excellent!’ said Tomkins. ‘Delightful!’ chimed in O’Bleary. ‘Disgusting machines!’ rejoined Evenson, who extended his dislike to almost every created object, masculine, feminine, or neuter. ‘Disgusting, Mr. Evenson!’ said Gobler, in a tone of strong indignation.—‘Disgusting! Look at their utility—consider how many lives they have saved by promoting perspiration.’
An hour or two passed away; and the boarders and the plated candlesticks retired in pairs to their respective bedrooms. John Evenson pulled off his boots, locked his door, and determined to sit up until Mr. Gobler had retired. He always sat in the drawing-room an hour after everybody else had left it, taking medicine, and groaning.
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